The Breakfast Chub

Posted on Mon Sep 2nd, 2024 @ 2:11pm by Bobby Drake & Iris Walker
Edited on on Mon Sep 2nd, 2024 @ 2:12pm

3,082 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: Episode 5: Days of Fortune Past
Location: Baxter Building | Manhattan
Timeline: October 16, 1990?

The single most annoying thing about banks was the “home branch” nonsense. You had to pick a branch that is the one you visit most often and this is where you had to go, in person, to change your contact information, or- as Iris had needed to do- change to a different home branch. The whole thing was crazy and she wished there was a way to just visit any branch of the bank in any city and answer a few questions to prove who you were.

Well, maybe some day.

For now, though, she had the paperwork completed on this end and would just need to visit one of the branches in Salem Center to make it her home branch. But she still had a few hours left before she had to catch the train back, so she decided to go see how Bobby was doing. Maybe he’d feel well enough to have lunch.

She was surprised when the doorman at the Baxter building merely consulted a list and cheerfully welcomed her in; she had expected him to have to call upstairs to get permission to let her in. She was even more surprised when he told her that if she found nobody home, she should try the next floor up.

So, she found herself knocking on a door on the top floor of the Baxter Building, hoping to find at least someone she knew.

The intercom by the door activated, though the vidscreen next to it stayed blank.

"We don't none! Return ta' sender!" It was a gravelly voice that sounded like rocks grinding together.

"Hey, it's a kid," said another voice, younger and not dissimilar from Bobby. "A girl. I can't tell. Open the door and see if she's cute."

"You open ta' door and see if she's cute!" roared the first voice. "I ain't gon' do it."

Iris glanced around for a camera, but didn’t see one in evidence. “I can assure you, I’m very cute,” she said with a smirk. “But that’s beside the point. I’m told Bobby Drake might be here.”

"Huh? said the younger voice with dejection. "Hey, Ben, is there a Bobby Drake here?"

"She's talkin' 'bout t'at snow cone Reed's got in his lab," Ben retorted. "Do what you want, Johnny. I'm gettin' back in ta' shower now!"

The intercom clicked off and the security door slid open. A young man of moderate height and slicked up hair towered over Iris. After his roving eyes took in her full measure, he determined she was not actually a kid and waggled his eyebrows. "Well, hello, beautiful. Come on in. I can take you to your friend, though I can't promise you won't forget all about him along the way."

“Charmer,” Iris accused with a cheeky grin. “I’ll bet you say that to all the girls.” Even so, she followed him inside.

Johnny led her through the living area toward the long corridor which led to their lab. Soft lasers of red, blue, and green scanned her from head to toe.

"Don't mind the light show. That's just Reed's way of making sure you aren't an alien, clone, or interdimensional monster in disguise. Long story about that last one. Come on." Waving her through, Johnny put a pep in his step. "We do all kinds of gnarly stuff here, so it's good to watch your step."

Interdimentional monster? thought Iris as she automatically began looking around for booby traps or… whatever. “I think I’d like to hear that story, sometime,” she replied. “Probably around a campfire while we’re making s’mores.”

"Sure thing, shawty," Johnny said with a wink, "but why don't you tell me a little more about you? Slumming it with the ice guy?"

“He’s my friend,” replied Iris with a shrug. “Helped me through a rough time once. I know he was nearly killed and I wanted to check on him.”

Johnny perked up at that. "Cool, then. Cool, cool. My room is right there." He nodded down the other hall. "First one on the right. Come take a gander when you're done visiting your friend. I'll see you off in style."

Parting with another wink, Johnny disappeared back into his room. Iris was left in the middle of the intersection between halls. Another large steel door, similar to the main entrance but even thicker, stood down at one end of it. The green light overhead was activated. Presumably the red light indicated unsafe conditions. A sign on the door read NO ENTRY WITHOUT THE EXPRESSION PERMISSION OF REED RICHARDS. Whether in defiance or dereliction, the door was ajar.

Iris grinned at the door as she approached. Did the open door meant anybody could just walk in? Probably not. She was very tempted to let go of her hold on her powers and just slip inside unnoticed, but decided against it. Instead, she peered through the crack and called, “Hello! My name is Iris Walker and I’m asking permission to enter from Reed Richards. I promise I’m not an interdimensional monster,” she added with a cheeky grin.

A head with salt-and-pepper hair descended from above on a gelatinous neck that stretched out of view. "Iris Walker who claims not to be an interdimensional monster, how did you get inside my secure lab?"

Iris had to think for a second, because the charmer had not given her his name. But, the other voice had said it before he’d opened the door. “Johnny showed me the way,” she replied. “I came looking for Bobby Drake. But, technically,” she added with a cheeky grin, “I’m not inside your secure lab.” She gestured to her feet, which were planted firmly with her toes not quite touching the line between hallway and laboratory.

"I suppose you're correct," Reed conceded. "And Johnny has a terrible way about letting people inside. Plus my security scanners cleared you." The floating head brightened with happiness. "Come on in! I'm just finishing the scans from the upper control room, but Bobby is on the main floor inside my quantum resonance chamber. I invented it myself." Reed's smirk turned boastful as he began to explain. "The gist is that it maps the current molecular structure of any person or object and then compares it against every other possible configuration. That way I can determine not only what exists now but I can identify unrealized potential that could exist under any given circumstance." Reed's head pushed into Iris's face. "Isn't that neat?!"

“It is actually really cool,” answered Iris sincerely. “Maybe you could help me understand my powers. I’ve been trying to learn to control them, but it’s difficult. Maybe understanding how they work would help.”

"Oh my!" Reed's excitement made his eyes literally bulge out of his head. "You have powers? We must scan you, yes! Once Bobby is done, we can get you into the chamber and really get down to the nuts and bolts. What are your powers, dear? I can begin priming the programming parameters now while Bobby finishes up."

“Well, it’ll be easier to show you,” she replied, relaxing her hold on her powers. “Look away for a few seconds and then turn back.”

"Very well..." Reed was confused as he spun his head around in a full 360 degrees. When he circled back, he blinked. "Where did you go? My motion detectors didn't go off..." He recoiled his head back to his overhead viewing deck where he checked his monitors. "Strange! You are right there!" His head stretched back the 30 odd feet. "The motion detectors and cameras detect you but I cannot see you. Strange! Sue's invisibility fools the cameras. I wonder what the case is here!"

“I’m not actually invisible, as far as I can tell,” Iris said, instantly becoming visible again. “I’m… ignorable. People don’t see me unless I call attention to myself. I’m working on making myself visible all the time unless I don’t want to be, but it’s tricky. The best I can do is to stay noticed even when the person talking to me looks away. But I’d really like to just walk into a room and hear someone say, ‘hi, Iris!’ without me having to say something first. You know?”

Reed narrowed his eyes as he listened intently, then let his brow perk up once she'd finished. "Ignorable, you say? Yes, yes, Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle in play. I could do a double-slit experiment with you in the quantum resonance chamber. The amount of data would be astronomical! Please say you have time for to be scanned! Should only be 3 or 4 hours!"

Three to four hours?! thought Iris. What exactly did he have in mind? “I have to catch a train at 3,” she said. “And I’ll need lunch at some point. I might have to come back another time. Maybe with a book,” she added, the thought of sitting around doing nothing for that long has zero appeal to her.

"Oh, pity..." Reed pouted and dragged his head back up to his body. "I suppose the scans from your friend will have to suffice for now."

As if on cue, one of the myriad of gigantic gadgets on the lab floor opened with a hiss and a flash of light. Steam poured out, obscuring the interior but making for a grand entrance for Bobby who walked through it.

"That was hotter than hell, Mr. Richards," he groused, turning back to flesh and blood with a hand rubbed through his hair. "I had to stay in ice form the entire time!"

"Yes, I required at least 1000 degrees Kelvin in order to get proper scans," Reed called down from the control room. "Don't worry, I calculated that you could handle it."

Bobby shook his head and was about to reply before he saw Iris. He gave her his full attention. "Hey!" he said excitedly at first, then calmed himself. "Uh, hey. Cool of you to drop by. How's it hangin'?"

“All right,” replied Iris with a wide grin at the sight of her friend. “I see you’re doing much better. I heard about what happened,” she explained, leaving it unspoken; he already know what it was, after all.

"Yeah..." Bobby took a breath and looked at the floor. "That sucked. They thought I was a goner for sure. And that's why I'm here. Everyone wants to keep checking me over and making sure I'm okay." He looked back at Iris and shrugged. "Well, look at me. I'm okay." He gave her a wan smile. As awkward as it was to see anyone from the X-Mansion here, he really was happy to see Iris. They had connected in a special way. It was nice to know he hadn't been forgotten. "You wanna get out of here? I can show you our place."

“Sure,” she replied. “I mean, Mr. Richards wanted to scan me, but I don’t know if I have time. Guess I’ll have to come back another time,” she told Reed.

"Ohhhhh!" Reed groaned in disappointed.

"Don't ever get into one of his machines without making him put a fruit basket or something in first," Bobby said. "Just trust me." He quickly led her out of the Fantastic Four's home and back to the corridor with the security elevator. "Come on. Our place is just a few floors down."

After flashing his keycard, the security door opened and led them down five floors to the X-Factor suite of offices and apartments. The elevator stopped and the doors parted to reveal vaulted ceilings, glassed-in offices crowned by a conference room, a semi-luxurious seating area that doubled as a lobby and drawing room.

It felt like the lobby of a four star hotel to Iris- comfortable and stylish with just a hint of sterility. It reminded her of family vacations when she was a kid.

Bobby led Iris across the cavernous expanse. "It's not much but it's home. We're doing some cool stuff here. Most of it's boring but still important. Maybe stop some terrible things before they ever happen."

“That sounds worthwhile,” she commented. “After all the fiascos we’ve seen, we could use some terrible thing prevention.”

"We'll see," Bobby said as he popped open the apartment door. "Come on! I'm starved and Jean always keeps the fanciest cheese you ever had in the fridge. Something called pâté too but that's gross." He left the door open and hurried into the kitchen, leaving Iris to follow. "Make yourself at home! There's cable on the TV!"

“Awesome,” commented Iris, closing the door behind her. “I can’t even remember the last time I watched TV. I’ve been so busy.” She tossed her little purse onto one of the chairs and then tossed her jacket on top of it.

When Bobby walked back into the living room with a half-eaten box of cold leftover pizza, he took one look at Iris and stopped in his tracks. How long had it been since he'd seen Iris? She looked... good. More than her usual jeans and a pullover. Without her jacket, the sleeveless blouse showed off her shiny dark skin from the shoulders on down. Tight ruching in the fabric accentuated her feminine shape unlike her usual t-shirts, shaping her breasts far more pronounced than ever before and even teased her midriff when she moved right.

"I... uh..." It took Bobby a second to remember the box in his hand. "Pizza?"

“Ooo, thanks,” she replied, taking a slice. “Somehow, cold pizza is almost better than fresh. You like it here?” she asked, glancing around. The place was quite obviously Scott and Jean’s- with pictures of the scattered around and a pastel color scheme- but she didn’t suppose that mattered much to Bobby. It didn’t matter to her, either, for that matter.

"Yeah, it's alright," Bobby said, looking over his shoulder. "I'm staying pretty busy, what with X-Factor and starting college, so Scott and Jean said I should stay with them until I have time to set up my own place. My apartment will be gnarly once I get some stuff in there though."

“You’re starting college?” she asked. “Me, too! Well, not until January because I was too late for this semester, but I’m enrolled, anyway. Have you picked a major or just getting some core classes out of the way?”

Bobby glowed at her praise, as well as the fact that he was taking the same steps as a smart girl like Iris. "Yeah, I'm majoring in Business with a minor in Accounting. I finished my testing. If I scored high enough, they will accredit my transcript from Xavier's toward college hours. I might be a sophomore!"

“That’s awesome!” she replied, honestly impressed. “You’ll be ahead of me, anyway. I gotta start at the bottom. But that’s okay. I don’t mind. Most people start at the bottom.” She took another bite of pizza. “I’m still not sure what I’m interested in studying,” she said once she’d swallowed. “I thought about German, since I’m nearly fluent anyway, but what else can you do with that except be a translator? Might be fun, but not many job opportunities. Maybe something will catch my interest once I’m taking classes. We’ll see, I suppose.”

Between watching Iris chew her food and her excitement at being on bottom, it took a double take to catch up on what she said.

"German? Uh, right." Bobby reached for another slice of pizza. "I think that I saw that as part of the International Studies course track, but..." Pausing for a bite, he realized he's taken the last slide of pizza just as his teeth sunk into the crust. "Oh, uh, do you want it? I'll give it up if you do."

The unintended innuendo made his cheeks flush bright red until he turned away. Pizza! He meant pizza! Or did he? Bobby glanced back at Iris with a bashful side eye.

Being a sweet innocent girl, Iris missed the inuendo and shook her head. “It’s okay,” she assured him. “I’m little; I don’t eat much.” She finished the last bite of her pizza. “Plus, I think guys need more than girls anyway,” she finished.

"Yeah, you can say that again..." Bobby trailed off as he saw the red light come the cable box. It dawned on him that he hard ordered a Pay-Per-View special for when he knew Jean and Scott wouldn't be home. The TV's automated timer turned the screen on as the special began to play. "Fuck my life!"

Five naked co-eds stood in front of a green chalkboard which featured the words:

"The Breakfast Chub"

The scene immediately started playing as Bobby shrieked in panic, his hands helplessly coming up over his mouth.

A principal addressed a group of students who sat in a row of desks. "You all are here for a reason... you all have one thing in common: you're all perverts."

The five students slowly went from bored to curious, giving one another salacious sidelong glances.

"We’re going to try something a little different..." the principal went on to say as he dropped his pants in unexpected full frontal nudity.

"THIS ISN'T MINE!" Bobby lied at the top of his lungs. He jumped off the couch and ran to the hallway that led to his room. "I DIDN'T ORDER IT AND IT ISN'T MINE! THANKS FOR COMING, GOTTA GO, THE ELEVATOR'S WHERE YOU LEFT IT!"

His last words were punctuated by a slammed door.

At first, Iris had squeezed her eyes shut against the nudity, but then she thought, Damnit, I’m nineteen years old and if I want to watch porn with my best friend, I can! However, Bobby’s reaction made her giggle and then, because she didn’t want him to think she was giggling at him- because it was the situation that made her laugh- she had to bite her lips and run out of the apartment, double back for her jacket and purse, and then hurry to the elevator. She waited until the doors closed and the elevator had dropped two floors before she let herself burst out laughing.

 

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