Each Time You Happen to Me All Over Again

Posted on Tue Sep 10th, 2024 @ 12:43pm by Connor Bruin & Kennedy Kelly

1,784 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Episode 5: Days of Fortune Past
Location: X-Mansion
Timeline: October 31st, 1990

Connor let the formal sitting room door slam behind him, shutting out the Halloween festivities that echoed throughout the sunroom from out on the lawn. Clarity set in, giving him singular focus on his friend and teammate, Kennedy, who had disappeared into the mansion with clear distress on her face. Pausing to listen, Connor could hear footsteps and the creek of a door in the east wing.

As he barreled down the hall, pouncing and hopping from floor to wall, Connor surged through the air and hit the T-section in a horizontal crouch. Rather than wall run, he jumped sideways in the direction he had heard activity. The main features in this area were the day room and the library. He would check each in turn.

It hadn’t been so long ago that Kennedy comforted Connor while he was running away from emotional turmoil. He had made the hardest decision of his life. Bliss had pushed him away and decided they weren’t right together anymore. She had blamed her trauma, wounds from a life that she had already shared with Connor. More like excuses, really, covering up whatever she was really hiding from him. Kennedy had helped Connor see that the world was not truly ending, that even though it hurt, the heart would go on. Whatever was the matter with her now, Connor was determined to repay the favor. And so while it was his duty to check after his teammate, Connor was compelled by loyalty rather than obligation in searching Kennedy out.

The door to the library was slightly ajar. Connor began his search there. Walking into the library, he saw the familiar rows of bookshelves and a long table. If Kennedy was in here, she would be further back, perhaps in one of the reading nooks or the archives.

“KENNEDY.” Connor signed her name as he walked around in search of wherever she had gone.

“Connor?” Although her voice was soft, it sounded much louder in the still darkness of the library. “I’m in the fiction section, by Wharton.”

As his eyes adjusted to the low light he made out a silhouette dressed in white with a pair of small wings on her back. Curled up on the floor with her knees to her chest was a dejected Kennedy.

“What are you doing here?” Her rage had cooled to sadness as she hid from the rest of the student body amongst the books she loved so much. “You’re missing Halloween.”

“I FIXED THE POPCORN MAKER AND THE PROJECTOR,” Connor signed, as if those had been Kennedy’s particular concerns. The Ws section took only a couple of hops to reach. “YOU ARE UPSET. WHAT IS THE MATTER?”

“I saw Bobby for the first time tonight since…” Kennedy trailed off, she wasn’t sure how much people knew or cared to investigate Bobby’s departure. They all saw him on that path of self-destruction, for him to flee with the excuse of seeking mental health care and to be with his former teammates, it made enough sense on its own to justify the choice. “...Since we got into a fight. The reason why he left so suddenly was because of me. We said some pretty hurtful things to one another and then things became physical between him and Jace. They fought and he immediately fled to New York after that.”

The revelation made Connor’s prominent brow spike up in surprise. While he did know why Bobby had left, he had known the other guy to be erratic in his behavior. Coming and going did not break the pattern of Connor’s observation.

“WAS IT A CONTINUATION OF THAT FIGHT?” he asked.

She paused for a moment and thought about that day again. It had only been a few weeks ago but the span of time felt so much longer to her, Jace left soon after and she was stuck here to reflect on the fallout all on her own. It was a topic that she had kept bottled up inside up with only a brief moment of reflection and regret expressed to Xavier. “I tried to ignore him but he immediately started to take digs at Jace and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. It escalated quickly soon after that.”

Connor had recently come through heartbreak himself. It was a novel and now a very familiar feeling. What’s more was that he saw it all over Kennedy’s face. “YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH JACE,” he signed, “AND WITH BOBBY. THAT IS WHY THEY FOUGHT. IF THEY FIGHT OVER YOU, THEN YOU FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED.”

There were more thoughts, but Connor stayed silent for the moment. He was new to all of this, not only matters of the heart. Being a leader and providing moral support was something he had never done nor ever seen himself doing. What he did know was that he should talk less and listen more. With his nonverbal disability, if there was anything he could offer, it was that.

“Of course I feel responsible for what happened.” Kennedy uncurled from her balled up position to better look up at Connor. “I just don’t know how to fix it or if I even can. Now Jace is gone and half the school hates me for driving Bobby away tonight.” She huffed out a big, dramatic sigh before she continued, “It makes me wonder if I fit here, if I really belong.”

Some of that made sense to Connor but some of it did not. There was clearly more than what Kennedy had outlined. He could continue filling in the lines. But girls were confusing. It would be better in the end for Kennedy to explain it to him.

“I DO NOT HATE YOU,” he said, starting with the obvious. “I DO NOT KNOW IF ANYONE ELSE DOES. WHEN I OFFEND PEOPLE, I SAY SORRY. HAVE YOU TRIED THAT?”

It was a simple question, almost too simple, but Connor asked it in earnest. Did Kennedy feel remorse enough to ask forgiveness? Was something stopping her? Had people refused her apology? There were so many possibilities. “IT IS USUALLY THE FIRST STEP.”

“The opportunity really hasn’t presented itself and sometimes saying that you are sorry is hard to do.” Kennedy replied, sometimes Connor’s outlook on the world glossed over the nuances. “I’m sure it will all come to some sort of conclusion… eventually. And why should I say I’m sorry first? I was merely reacting to his insults, he was trying to be hurtful.”

Connor shrugged. It was just the starting point. If she hadn't had an opportunity yet, then so be it.

She slumped over again as a new wave of sadness passed through her. “I miss Jace. I wish he would come back already.”

“HE NEVER SAID MUCH TO ME,” Connor said, wondering what about the guy was creating so much heartache. Bobby was funny even if inappropriate sometimes. Jace had to have something to offer. “WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT HIM?”

“Everything,” Kennedy said with a level of melancholy that only a teenage girl could achieve. “I miss how he would wait for me after class, help me with my work, how his hair would fall into his blue eyes, how he would stand up for me. He’s my person.” As if her sad state wasn’t bad enough, she finally started to cry. “I’m lonely without him.”

Connor bit his lip as he was overcome with pity. There were some days he still cried over Bliss. She was still at the mansion, yes, but she was unavailable in other ways that made it seem like she was never around.

“I AM SORRY. WOULD LIKE A HUG?” Connor signed the words but was already closing the gap between himself and Kennedy.

“Yeah.” Kennedy admitted with a tone of pathetic defeat. “Just don’t crush my wings, okay?”

Those wings weren’t even real, but Connor supposed that was besides the point. He held back his tears until he held Kennedy in an embrace. With the loss of eye contact came the loss of inhibitions. His own tears started to flow. His friend was sad. He was sad. Why did love have to hurt so much?

“Boo,” Connor said, his breath coming in short gasps as he tried to hold back his sobs. “Booooo...”

“Oh Connor…” Kennedy whimpered as he began to cry. She knew exactly why everything with Bliss had been so hard on him. It was a roller coaster of emotions to have to be near someone you cared about who did not care about you in return, it was a constant reminder of what was lost or missing. “I’m sorry.”

She held him for a moment as they both cried, first loves were always the hardest. Every emotion seemed bigger and deeper than the last. Kennedy’s longing for Jace to return and Connor’s loss of Bliss felt like insurmountable heartache in moments like this.

“How does the saying go?” Kennedy finally spoke again once their shared moment of tears had stopped. “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. We just have to remember the lows make the highs worthwhile and we’ll both see this through.” That was her optimism and her desire to overcome shining through, even in the moments that hurt the most Kennedy tried to find that desire to push through it and move forward. “We’ll lean on each other, okay?”

Connor pulled back from the hug so she could see his nod. He shook his fist forward as if knocking on an invisible door. “YES,” his device said as he continued to sign. “YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND AS WELL AS A GOOD TEAMMATE. IF YOU FEEL SAD, YOU CAN COME AND TELL ME. I WILL DO THE SAME WHEN I FEEL TOO SAD LIKE I AM ABOUT TO DROWN IN THE OCEAN.”

“It does feel vast and terrible sometimes, doesn’t it?” Kennedy agreed with him but her sadness came from the siblings who would forget her and the father who she would never make amends with. “And I would like that very much, none of us can get through all of this on our own. That’s why we’re X-Men, not just X-Man, right?”

Kennedy stood up and offered Connor a hand even though he didn’t need it to get up. “Do you wanna steal some trick-or-treater candy from the hallway with me?”

“Ooooooo!” Connor's eyes grew wide at the offer. He ran back to the door with childlike glee.

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