Via Pacis
Posted on Wed Nov 13th, 2024 @ 3:10pm by Scott Summers & Bobby Drake & Bliss Hawkins
Edited on on Wed Nov 13th, 2024 @ 3:13pm
4,928 words; about a 25 minute read
Mission:
Episode 5: Days of Fortune Past
Location: Baxter Building | Manhattan
Timeline: November 11th, 1990
It was a beautiful morning in New York city—late fall day, crisp and sunny. Bliss was fast walking down the street towards the gleaming white and silver tower called the Baxter Building. She was carrying a styrofoam container big enough for a sandwich. She looked at her reflection in a shop's window, pushing a few curls out of her face. Her outfit was functional—Keds, jeans, turtleneck, leather jacket, and a very long scarf wrapped around her neck. She hurried towards the ever watchful doorman.
She flashed her best smile to the man. "Excuse me, are you Sal?"
"Yes, ma'am..." Sal looked idly curious at the strange girl but otherwise unconcerned.
"Great! This is for you." She handed him the styrofoam container, inside was a warm bagel from one of the top delis in the area, with lox and cream cheese.
Sal opened the container and gave it one whiff. "Hoo, boy! That salmon will end me!" He shoved the container back toward Bliss and pulled out his inhaler. "Oh Babalú-Ayé!" he gasped between wheezes. "Keep sickness away from my home and protect your children from death!"
After a moment, Sal was able to speak again. "Were you here to see somebody?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
"Please, God, let it be me!"
Behind Bliss was a muscular blonde young man with a cocksure grin. "You must be Celeste," he said, walking up to Bliss and propping his elbow up on the counter. "I was expecting somebody, but hot damn! You're so gorgeous you should come with a warning label." He waggled his eyebrows. "I'm Johnny. You ready?" He nodded his head toward the elevator he had just exited.
Bliss was still dealing with poor Sal. Clearly God hated her, how else would she discover the only doorman in the greater state of New York with an allergy to salmon? She doubted even Hank McCoy could calculate those kind of odds.
Bliss looked at this new arrival with a wary and mildly confused expression. "Sorry I think you have me confused with someone else. My name is not Celeste, but good luck with your future endeavors."
"Bummer." Johnny saw the bagel on the counter and snatched it right up. "What the hell, Sal? You can't eat this shit." He took a big bite of the open faced lox and cream cheese. "I just saved your life, dude," he said, talking around a mouthful.
She looked back to the gasping doorman. "I'm here to see Bobby Drake, please."
Sal nodded at her and checked her name against the list.
"Lucky Bobby," Johnny said as he cleared a blob of cream cheese from his upper lip. "How that little dork gets so many fine ladies coming by, I'll never know." He looked at Sal. "When that math tutor gets here, let me know. If I flunk Multivariable Calculus again, Sue's gonna kill me." And then he disappeared back into the elevator.
"Sorry, ma'am," Sal said. "I don't see a Bliss on the list, but let me call up and see who's home." Picking up the desk phone and cradling it in his shoulder, Sal waited a few ticks before the other end answered. "Hi, sir. Got a Bliss down here wanting to go up. Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah. Nah. Yeah. Alright, bye."
After returning the phone to its cradle, Sal gave Bliss a professional smile that barely stretched his pudgy cheeks. "Boss says he's be right down."
A few moments later, the security elevator opened again. Bobby put his foot inside the door track to keep it from closing, but he didn't step off. Arms crossed, he gave Bliss a quizzical look that was more curious than offended. "Hi, Bliss. What do you want?"
Bliss had to pull her gaze from Johnny, wondering how on Earth he got a smudge of cream cheese on his ear.
Her expression was all business when she looked to Bobby. "Bobby, I owe you an apology, and I'm here to make it."
Bobby shrugged, unsure of what he wanted to do in that moment. His eyes darted over to Sal who suddenly found himself engrossed in his logbook. If Bliss wanted to do this, it wasn't happening in the lobby. "Come on." Bobby stepped backward and let Bliss onto the elevator.
When the doors opened, they revealed the Manhattan skyline. Skyscrapers towered overhead but still didn't fully obscure the view of either the Hudson or the East River. The bustle of traffic below droned together into a low roar that was easily drowned out by the wind that whipped along at this height.
Bobby stepped out and walked across the helipad toward a rounded turret on an adjacent corner from the elevator. "That's the observatory," he said without looking back. "It has a mini fridge."
"Just one?" Bliss followed along a step behind Bobby, appreciating this particular view of the surrounding cityscape. "Well, you definitely have found a upgraded view, Bobby. You've definitely landed on your feet, great job."
"You could say that." Opening the door, there was a telescope and a control station. Bobby stepped around behind the door to access the mini fridge. He pulled out two glass bottles of Coke. "Still warm..." A puff of frost on each one chilled them both. He handed one to Bliss and popped the top off his own. "That's better," he said after a sip. "Life at the X-Mansion was good for me, but I've been there almost half my life. I needed to find out who I was outside those walls. Turns out I got a good head for numbers. Who knew? Now I've almost got enough credit hours for an Associate's in Business and Accounting, and I still get to put on the old costume when the need calls for it." He kicked the bookbag at his feet. Apparently this was where he came to do his studying. "I heard about you and Connor. Sorry things didn't work out."
Bliss took the offered bottle and took a sip well Bobby updated her on what's been happening with him. Her expression actually softened with the good news that he was doing well. She looked down at her feet momentarily when he mentioned Connor. "Well, if there's anything I've learned in this life is nothing ever works out the way you thought it would. And who knows? Connor and I are seeing if there is potential to get back together again. At least I'd like to keep him as a friend. He's a good young man, he's got some growing to do but don't we all?"
Young man? Bobby wasn't sure but he thought Connor was older than she was. He arched his brow but said nothing. If she had more to say, then she could say it.
"Which brings me to why I came to the big city today, besides visiting a bunch of nuns on the other side of town. I've been doing a lot of work on myself, and I have a lot more to do. You and I never got along, not really. And I apologize for that. But the big thing I'm here to apologize for is what happened at the diner in town. Like I said we were never best friends you and me. But I way overstepped that day. I've had more than my share of shall we say inappropriate touching. And here I go turning around and doing it to you. I'm ashamed of my actions, looking back. I thought it was a prank, but it's the worst kind of prank, one that actually hurts the person. And for that I would like to offer my sincere apology."
That whole line of conversation made Bobby uncomfortable. His face twitched a little and his fingers pulled at his collar as he avoided her eyes. When she offered her apology, he tilted his head up just enough for his eyes to breach the edge of his brow.
"A prank," he repeated. "You know, I was never really sure. I always wondered. Never had my dick yanked by an invisible hand before, so I couldn't be sure." Bobby's breathing turned labored. The air around him turned crisp like the morning fog. "The way you always talked about me liking dudes and taking it up the ass. I never knew what to think, not when you barely knew me at all. All the shit you flicked me... is because you thought it was funny." Why was he even here right now? Why did he agree to see her? Bobby just shook his head. "You know, I appreciate the apology, but I don't know where you get off acting like the royal bitch you are. Coming up here to tell me we were never friends like that explains anything? Got your nose in the air like you're better than me and this apology helps you stay that way." Bobby's eyes turned red and misty from the emotional outburst he was trying to hold back. "Well, you're not. You act like trash and want everyone to think it's cute. Like your big blue eyes and tits give you the right to be a cunt and everyone is just supposed to lap it up like dogs." He brushed past her back outside to the rooftop. "Well, I'm not your dog."
Bliss followed him back out to the rooftop. "I've no excuses that would make a difference. All I can do is offer my most profound apology. I treated you like I was treated. That doesn't make it right. You need to vent, get the toxins out? I'm right here."
While around on his heels, Bobby leaned into her face with his lips curled back. "Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Have the angry asshole beat you with the ugly truth stick so you can feel good and sorry for yourself. I'm not gonna do it! I won't!" He started to pace back and forth, snorting frosty wisps from his nostrils like a chugging train. "Treated me like you were treated. Were you 'pranked' like that, Bliss? When you said you didn't like it, did they say you had a bad attitude and secretly wanted to get bent over a couch?" He stuck his finger in her face. "Fuck you and your bullshit!"
Bliss didn't back up a step, facing the furious frigid young man with a firm chin. She wanted SO MUCH to lash out and defend herself. But that wasn't why she was here. "All the pranks that were done to me? They'd make you sick. But that doesn't matter. There's no justice in this world but the justice you make. I had no right. I continued the cycle of abuse. I hurt you. I can only apologize." Bliss closed the distance between them. "If words aren't enough, no one's gonna stop you from taking your pound of flesh. Continue the cycle. But I'm not gonna continue it. It ends with me."
"God damn it!" Bobby seethed into his open hands before screeching at the sky. Once his wordless outcry was finished, he looked at Bliss with naked grief. "I'm not going to hit you. Jean said I need to forgive those who hurt me. She meant other people, but her advice includes you." He wiped his eyes dry, though they stayed red and puffy. "I... forgive you. I don't know if you're sorry enough to have changed or if you're just trying to soothe a guilty conscience, but either way it doesn't matter." Taking a deep breath, he held it for a second and then slowly let it out. "I forgive you," he repeated. "You got what you came for. You can go now."
Blinking in confusion, Bliss started to turn for the exit, but stopped. "Wait...who else has hurt you? I mean....I'm really struggling with the whole forgiveness thing with my own abusers. I would love to got go biblical on them, but my therapist and Sisters Ashley and Mary-Katherine all say that just poisons me inside and gives the bad guys another bite of my soul."
Bobby shook his head. Why should he trust her? Just because she had a pang of guilt?
She sat on the roof and looked out at the cityscape. "I'm really sorry I inflicted that kind of pain on you. I know I'm a bitch ninety percent of the time, it's how my survival instinct expresses itself. I don't want to be like this, and I'm fighting like hell to change for the better." She looked up at him, her eyes full of regret. "If all I wanted was the words, I'd just check this off on my list and move on to the next victim on my 1990 Forgiveness tour. But it's not that easy, not when it's real."
Such sentiments were hard to argue. Bobby had already granted her forgiveness. What more did she want?
"How can I help you, Bobby? How can I help you heal? Can I replace an ugly memory with a positive one? Can you talk to me? Maybe we can start fresh, and actually build a relationship that doesn't revolve around hurting one another."
Bobby shrugged, so full of conflicted feelings.
She smiled wistfully as she considered the buildings around them. "I could use a good friend....."
While she looked around, Bobby couldn't hold back anymore. He grabbed Bliss around the shoulders and pulled her into a tight embrace. And then he buried his face in her shoulder, releasing racking sobs that he was ashamed to let her see and couldn't hide any other way. After a moment when the pressure valve released enough for him to come back to himself, he lifted his head from her shoulder without letting her go. "Nobody... except Jean... has ever said sorry to me before."
While Bliss was caught by surprise, she quickly recovered. She held onto Bobby through his wracking sobs. She found hot tears of personal shame mixed with understanding and sympathy running down her cheeks as she whispered soothing sounds.
"I'm so sorry...." She smoothed her hands over his hair. She couldn't get anymore out, her words choking in her throat. A sob of grief and shame escaped her like a living thing. She held him like her life depended on it.
Just when Bobby thought he was finished, Bliss returned his embrace. Her commiserate response opened the floodgates again and renewed his sobs once more.
"I'm sorry too..." Bobby sniveled. "I was a total creep to you before... on the plane ride from Muir back to the mansion... at my own pool party... I don't know how to be near people and I always fuck it all up!" His words were cut off by a choking cough he had to clear before continuing. "I ogled you and I'm sorry!"
Bliss pulled back enough to look into his face with sympathy, smoothing her hands against his wet cheeks. "I understand. My own issues make me deal inappropriately at times. Obviously, you're a victim of that compulsion. But for what it's worth, I forgive you."
Bobby closed his eyes and nodded in silent gratitude.
"We just have to take steps to get help." Bliss made a gentle shushing sound in comfort. "Is Jean helping you?"
"Yes," Bobby croaked, letting Bliss wipe his cheeks. "She helped me lock the monster away so I could learn to live without it controlling me. I'll deal with it someday but...baby steps." He leaned his forehead against hers and did his best to stop sniveling. "I'm sorry for yelling at you a minute ago."
Bliss gave him a small but very genuine smile. "It's what you needed at the time, that kind of emotional release does a lot of good when you got something bound up inside you."
That made sense but Bobby still didn't feel good about it. He shrugged again.
"Right now it's all about being able to function day to day. We have enough crap to deal with as it is. Emotional pain is bad enough about having to blend in killer robots and people who want us to die just because we've got an extra Gene or two. But you know what? We're going to be okay. We do our best, and stay positive. The rest of the world will work out on its own."
"Yeah," Bobby conceded, "same old story, different day. Thank you for helping me not feel so alone." He looked back toward the observatory and the book bag he'd left in there. "I should probably get back to studying. Thank you for coming by though." His hands wrapped around her back to pull her into another hug, though far lighter than before. "I mean it."
Bliss gladly returned the embrace, rubbing his back in a comforting manner. "Tell you what, next time I'm in town, you want to have lunch, your choice my treat? And it doesn't have to be off a food cart, but inside an actual restaurant with a menu that isn't printed on the wall."
"Sure, kid." Bobby smirked at her and then thumbed away the drying tear on her cheek as well. "Here's lookin' at you." It was a cornball, half-accurate reference to a movie he'd never actually seen himself, but he found it amusing all the same.
"Hey, Bobby! Sorry to interrupt but—" Scott walked off the elevator with his hands cupped to his mouth, shouting so Bobby could hear him in the observatory. But Bobby wasn't in the observatory. He was standing on the roof with Bliss, their arms holding each other and their hands graciously caressing each other's cheeks. "—Your pager... I've been calling it... and... " His mouth fell open for a second as his eyes took in the sight. "I see I am interrupting." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, just come down when you're... done."
"What? Wait! No, it's... it's not what you think!" Bobby exclaimed. He looked at Bliss. "Is it? No! Of course it isn't. I mean.... Damn it, Scott!"
"Don't look at me," Scott said, amusement starting to replace the awkward first reaction. "I'm not the one mugging down on the helipad."
"Mugging down? What the hell does that mean?" Bliss sighed and brushed her hair back over her head. She knew she was screwed and not in a good way. "Well I guess that's it then. Connor is never going to believe me, not for a million years. I'm clearly the school's slut, why even fight it? Scott will tell Jean, then Jean will tell everybody else. It's like they say, there's three ways to deliver gossip. It's telephone, television, telepath."
Bobby and Scott looked at each other in surprise at that. Since when did Jean go around telling anybody someone else's business? They exchanged a headshake.
"Oh well, it was a good run," Bliss went on. "Connor still has his sweet innocence, I didn't rob him of that. But I'm sure the rumors will be quite colorful. But now at least my book report on The Scarlet letter can be written from a first person perspective."
"Huh?" Bobby said.
"I'm the schools Hester Prynne. But that's okay." She chuckled darkly as she extricated herself from Bobby. "The worst part is I don't even get to enjoy the bad reputation. I haven't had as much as a kiss in months. I'm practically a virgin again. The nuns are considering my application. But you know what? I don't even care. I know the truth and ultimately that's all that matters."
"Have you two been drinking?" Scott asked, completely confused by the rant.
She looked up at Bobby with a curious expression. "So how bad is my makeup ruined? On a scale from a standard raccoon to total trash panda?"
Bobby finally stopped blushing from the incriminating misunderstanding. "You look fine, Bliss. Just a little smudged."
"You're talking as crazy as ever though," Scott said, shaking his head. "Whatever is or isn't going on up here is none of my business. And I know I speak for Jean when I say she feels the same way. She doesn't deserve to have anybody speak about her that way, especially when she's been nothing but good to you." His jaw clenched as he spoke. "Professor Xavier can tolerate your delusional crazy talk but I sure as hell won't. Finish up whatever business you have and get the fuck out."
"Scott..." Bobby began to say.
"What?" Scott snapped at Bobby, then relented. "Sorry, Bobby. You didn't do anything."
Bobby toed the rooftop for a moment, then looked at Scott directly. "Maybe talk to her first. You can always throw her out after."
"Yeah?" Scott asked, his brow raised with skepticism. "Got something else to say, Bliss?" He folded his arms over his chest and waited.
She walked over to Scott and rested her hands on her hips, not afraid to challenge him face to face. "I like Connor. We're not romantically together right now, but I don't want to see him hurt. For that I apologize for jumping to the wrong conclusion. Rumors have repercussions. " She looked back at Bobby over her shoulder for a moment before focusing on Scott again. "Jean has always been good to me, even when I was in pain and lashing out, much like I was when I was first here. But that was then and this is now." Realizing she was putting off the inevitable, she dove right in. "I apologize to you for busting your balls on so many things. I should have recognized your pain and backed off. It was none of my business in the first place." She folded her arms over her chest and considered her next words. "I regret the pain I've caused you, especially given your situation. I'm a bitch, but I'm looking to change. I don't want to be so angry, and I'm improving step by step."
She looked up and met that cold gaze behind the Ruby quartz. "I know that I can't fix the past, but I can do my best to make things better in the future. I'll understand if you don't believe me. I haven't given you any evidence. All I can do is say that I regret that because of the pain I caused you I may have squandered what could have been a critical relationship for me. I want...need... guidance to get to where I want to be as a person. If you're not willing to accept my apology, I'll understand."
Scott looked down on her with the nine inches of height and weighed her. Not just her words or her sentiments, but also her tone and her demeanor against that day in the hangar when she had called him a child molester, a drill sergeant for a child militia, a dangerous predator. Such heinous vitriol from a poisoned heart. He could see more of the same today, but he saw something more. For whatever reason, she very much wanted him to believe her. Was she so driven by pain that her entire worldview was warped by it? These delusions of everyone being out to get her were as tiresome as they were ridiculous. Her crazy butt could be bounced out of Xavier's so fast it would make her head spin without so much as a written memo, yet she had it firmly in her mind that everyone hated her. It was all just so complex and Scott fought for the patience to tolerate it. Not for the first time, he asked himself what the Professor would do.
"Talk is cheap," Scott said at length. "I'll accept your apology, Bliss, when you show me." With that, he turned around and went back inside the elevator. "You can hang around at Bobby's invitation," he said before the doors closed. "Bobby, we do need to talk when you're available."
"Wow..." Bobby said once Scott was gone. "That just happened." He looked at Bliss. "You okay? His buttons got pushed with Jean but I think he heard you."
Bliss watched Scott retreat without comment. She turned to Bobby when he spoke. "Bobby, I don't think he will ever accept me. But that's okay. He doesn't have to like me."
"Well, you could try not talking shit for a change," Bobby said with a chuckle. "I get it. He and I have had our fights over the years. You saw how we parted ways when the Professor made him leave, now we're good. You get out of Scott what you put into him. You might think about that..." He also cocked his head. "And maybe you could talk to Jean, too. She might be able to help you like she did me, and there wouldn't be any better ally if you wanted to get on Scott's good side."
Rolling her eyes and smirking, Bliss said, "Yeah, I don't know about that. One telepath in my head is enough."
Bobby furrowed his brow. "You keep saying that. You got something against telepaths?"
"Pfft. And you don't?" Bliss scoffed at first, but then shrugged as she realized the obvious. "Never mind, look who I'm asking. Your master and commander is a telepath along with the girl next door who probably gave you your first hard-on."
"Bliss? Seriously?" Bobby's mouth fell agape in disbelief. "And people say I'm grody."
She put her hand against her face. "Shit... Bobby, I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. That was a terrible thing to say and I said it anyway." Her eyes grew wide with pleading. "Please forgive me... I know I fucked it up again right away but please!"
Bobby looked out over the city for a minute and then back to her. "Yeah, I forgave you already. Just throw that on the pile." Though he didn't appreciate her below-the-belt commentary, he still felt like he understood her a bit better. "Just a couple assholes trying to heal and do right, yeah?"
"Most days," Bliss said, her frown turning to a coy smirk. "I'm sure there will be days I always choose bitch."
"I'll make sure I'm busy those days," Bobby said, his old humor returning. "Speaking of busy, I better go see what Scott wanted before he comes storming back up here."
Bliss nodded. "Sure... thanks for seeing me."
"Come on," Bobby said, guiding her to the elevator. "I'll walk you out."
Later That Evening...
Bliss trudged down the steps of the women's shelter run by the Sisters of Mercy, her feet heavy as though each step pulled her deeper into an unseen chasm. The city noise of Manhattan swirled around her, but it felt distant, like the hum of a world she no longer knew. Her first day of work with the Sisters had been unexpected. They turned out to be so different from the cold, harsh authority figures she had seen in movies. These women weren’t judgmental or stern. They were warm, purposeful, and—perhaps most importantly—they had found peace.
For the first time in a long while, Bliss had felt something unfamiliar creeping into her heart when she had sat with the battered women and frightened children, trying to offer what little comfort she could, be in the form of a hug or serving food and drink. She found peace. In that moment, helping them, she had felt useful, like she was doing exactly what she was meant to do. Earlier that day, she had joked about applying to stay as a sarcastic quip to Scott and Bobby. But now? Being honest with herself, the joke didn’t seem so funny, not at all.
As her keds hit the bottom step, an overwhelming surge of anxiety crashed into her. She felt the breath catch in her throat, her chest tightening. Her fingers curled into her palms as she tried to steady herself. She was supposed to go back to the X-Mansion, to the X-Men, to her friends and the disillusionment that had been growing more and more in her time there. But how could she return to that now, knowing the weight that pressed on her soul? She had always tried to fight for those who couldn’t defend themselves. But standing here, she realized, it was these women and children—the powerless, the broken—that she truly wanted to protect. And in a way, they were her. She had survived so much, but she'd never truly escaped the pain. Until now.
A tear welled in her eye, then another. She wiped them away, but her hand trembled as she whispered, “I’m sorry, Connor.”
It was then Bliss knew she wasn't going back to the X-Mansion and the not-so-perfect X-Men who failed to live up to her epectations. The words of regret for Connor felt heavy with the finality of her choice. She had tried so hard to be the hero she thought she needed to be, to live up to everyone's expectations, but in the end, peace wasn’t found in constant battles or saving the world—it was here, in sanctuaries for the lost and the broken where people could find healing together in the comradery of fellow survivors.
With a deep breath, she turned, and step by step, she climbed back up toward the doors of the shelter, back to the place where she’d felt, for the first time, a fleeting glimpse of real purpose. And with that, she walked back inside, knowing she was finally where she needed to be.
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