Needing Some Insight

Posted on Tue Jan 23rd, 2024 @ 6:05pm by Charles Xavier & Ethan Hale

1,394 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Episode 3: X-Tra Ecclesiam
Location: Study | X-Mansion
Timeline: August 22nd, 1990 - morning

Ethan woke up from a dream, that most teenage and even older males sometimes get. He'd had those types of dreams on a fairly consistent basis over the past few months since he wasn't engaging in sex with anyone other than himself. Usually, it just meant washing his sheets, before anyone else found out about it.

This one had been different. The results of course had been the same, but the subject had been different. The subject had been Bobby and the details had been quite graphic.

After he had showered and put the sheets in the wash, he went looking for the professor. He wasn't of course going to tell him anything about the dream, but he did need to talk to him about Bobby.

With still damp hair, he knocked on the door, but the door was already opening.

"Hello, Ethan," said the Professor who had clearly been expecting him. "You wish to talk. Come. There is much we need to discuss." He guided Ethan to a seat and waited for the young man to make himself comfortable. "What's on your mind?"

"I am confused," he admitted. "I thought I was the only gay guy here but I went out with Bobby and, em, we, well we wound up kissing. Before he ran off. I wasn't trying to hurt him or confuse him. And, by the way, he kissed me first. Though I think the first time he was thinking of someone else. Warren probably, the second time, I'm not so sure."

Xavier resisted the urge to palm his own face.

"I'm going to shut up now. What do you think is going on?"

"A lot of things," the Professor said. "You've touched on so many interpersonal points that I'm not entirely certain where to begin." He rubbed his chin. It was a compromise between face-palming and not. "Bobby has been through an ordeal that is not entirely unlike your own. Trauma has changed him and he is still coming to terms with that. I will be reticent to deploy him into the field until he does. Until then, however, I can say that he will need constant support. If you think you can be his friend, then so be it." He took a breath. "However... the temptation to turn toward physical comfort will be strong. I cannot urge you enough not to let that happen, at least until Bobby is more emotionally regulated."

The Professor paused for a moment and canted his head at Ethan. "You have seen it, have you not? You know of what I speak."

A recollection flashed through Ethan's mind. Bobby hid his face behind a hideous frozen helm with horns and fangs. The voice was gnarled and guttural as if his vocal chords were frozen into harsh minerals.

"I fear Bobby is in a state which is currently known as manic-depression. He will have high heights of happiness and joy only to plummet into deep lows of grief and apathy. Anything he does in either extreme is not truly Bobby, but desperate acts from coping mechanisms to face the inner demon that his trauma has become. As such, his manic episodes where he may be more emotionally demonstrative are not any more reliable than his depressive episodes where he becomes aloof or even hostile."

"I've seen that, at least a little bit. So what you're saying makes sense. I'm suffering the way Bobby is. But you're right there are a lot of similarities between us. I'll try to be his friend, I know he needs one. But, I just had em, a very graphic dream about him. I don't know how I'll be able to keep from getting physical especially if he starts it."

The Professor closed his eyes and let out a chuckle. "I understand your dilemma, Ethan, at least outwardly. You can resolve it through the realization that until Bobby is made whole again, it may not be the real him acting out and you both may find yourselves resentful of any premature actions taken in that vein."

"I'll try not to think with my dick then. At least until it's Bobby. The real Bobby making the decisions."

"That is a solid rule of thumb to follow throughout life," the Professor replied with a perfectly straight face. "There are few more direct paths to ruin than thinking without your brain." But then he smiled. "I do want to thank you for confiding in me. No one else needs to know."

"I don't care if they know about me. I don't broadcast it, but I am not hiding in the closet either. But they don't need to know about Bobby. It's his decision on how he wants to handle that. Once he's figured it out of course."

The Professor nodded. "We're in agreement there."

"Any word yet from my other crush?"

"Oh, Ethan..." Xavier couldn't hold back an amused smirk. "Running headlong from one problem to another, are we?"

"No, not really. I was just being a smartass. I was just wondering if you had heard from Quicksilver."

"After his last appearance? No. But my guess is that he is losing faith in Magneto's Brotherhood." The Professor indulged a crooked smile of satisfaction. "Thanks to your good faith gesture, it's possible that he may rely on us in the future."

"I hope that is the case. Should I try to reach out to him again?"

The Professor shook his head. "I do not believe he is currently in the country but I may be mistaken. Our 'frenemy' can cover ground quickly." Changing the subject, Xavier said, "If you are still interested in pursuing a future in law, I have more information for you."

"I am very interested. I think it's something that I would enjoy and as you know from the shore time I've been here, I'm not shy. Besides, it's a way for me to make up for some of the things I've done in this world."

"Well, then, I'd like to show you something." The Professor removed a pamphlet from his desk drawer and offered it to Ethan. "It's a correspondence course that would prepare you for the LSAT, the first step toward earning a law degree. The coursework is extensive with strict deadlines. Take a look."

The teenager took the brochure, gave it a cursory glance, then looked at it more intensely.

"I can do this," he said after a beat. "I mean it looks like it would be a challenge, but not to much worse than what I had to do back at Phoenix Academy. When can I start and how can I pay you for it, it looks expensive."

Waving his hand at the question of cost, Xavier said, "Consider yourself the recipient of a full scholarship from the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. I'm just now putting it together, but you would be among the first recipients."

"Wow, that was the last thing I expected. The only way I know to repay you is by working hard and passing the course." He grinned. "Hopefully with flying colors If I pass the LSAT does that get me into college, or am I skipping straight to law school?"

The Professor chuckled at Ethan's enthusiasm. "Well, that depends entirely on your desired course of action and final outcome. There are several options available. Why don't you read that over, think about it, and come back to me with any questions you still have."

"Sure that will be great. Oh, and I'm assuming the conversation stays just between us? I'm not at all ashamed of who I am, but I want to protect Bobby. No one else has to know what we did, or who he is. Especially since he doesn't know who he really is."

"Rest assured, Ethan, that whatever I discuss with a student in confidence is kept in confidence, as much for my personal ethics as well as respect for the privacy and security of all." The Professor offered him a smile. "Did you have anything else I can help you with?"

"Not now, Professor," Ethan said holding up the brochure, "you've already done more than enough. I'll take this back to my room and look it over more in-depth."

Nodding in approval, the Professor said, "Very good. I'm happy to hear it hit the mark."

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