A Farewell to Arms

Posted on Tue Aug 13th, 2024 @ 8:51pm by Connor Bruin & Bliss Hawkins

1,665 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Episode 5: Days of Fortune Past
Location: X-Mansion
Timeline: October 13th, 1990

After the meeting in the War Room where the X-Men had been brought up to speed on the terrible events of the world, they had dispersed in their separate ways. Connor had hung back to talk with the Professor while inputting recent data sets into the War Room computer for future processing. There were so many problems from so many directions that it was impossible to think about them all at once. Fortunately that's what computers were for.

Leaving the computer to crunch its numbers and populate projections for simulated models, Connor went looking for Bliss. The last couple weeks had been hard on everybody for obvious reasons. It went without saying that everyone had a hard time coming back from the Savage Land. Things had gone from bad to worse in so many ways.

"HELLO, BLISS," Connor said through his device once he'd found her. It wasn't fair to say they hadn't spoken. at all over the past few weeks, but there was still a disconnect, one he didn't understand. That felt more obvious to him than ever after the last house meeting, yet they never made time to talk since then. Connor was making time now. "ARE YOU AVAILABLE?"

Bliss had been working out in the thick forest surrounding the school. She had been doing slalom runs through the woods carrying large items. Each new run on the course was faster than the one before. Rather than be satisfied with the speed, she forced herself to carry heavier and more complicated things through the course. She was focused on going faster, higher, and with more weights.

When she heard Connor's mechanical voice calling out to her, she dropped to the ground in front of him. She casually tossed the demolition ball to the side with a loud thud. She picked up her towel and dabbed at her face. She gave him a smile, one she didn't necessarily feel inside. The reality of the war to come was weighing heavily upon her.
"I'm always available for you. What can I help you with today?"

"WE NEED TO TALK." Connor let his hands fall to his sides while he studied her micro expressions. Sweat lines. Discoloration. Slight hunched disposition from muscular tension throughout her shoulders, arms, legs, and back. She was the picture of dysregulated. Her faux smile only emphasized it. "WE HAVE NOT BEEN TALKING MUCH," he continued. "I AM GLAD YOU ARE JOURNALING. I HOPE IT HELPS. BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU. I AM WORRIED."

Bliss started to protest but gave up. It didn't matter.
"So who told you that I was journaling? Not that it matters. There are no secrets here,. There are more telepaths here than you can shake a stick at. Doesn't really matter anyway. It's like trying to bail out the Titanic with a colander."

"I SAW YOU," Connor said plainly. While she may not have noticed him, he had kept a steady eye on her.


She peeled off her school sweatshirt and tossed it aside before she sat down on the demolition ball. Steam shimmered off her torso as she rubbed her hands together. She stared off into the distance, avoiding anything but looking at him.
"I've been informed that I would be a distraction to you while you tried to learn this new job of being our leader. So for everybody's sake I've kept my distance. If somebody dies because I caused a problem for you, that's on me."

Connor stood stock-still, his body and face frozen in time. Hyperfocus was a double-edged sword for him that could block out the entire universe except for the object of his attention. Right now, it was Bliss.

"I'm not healthy for you, I've got more issues than Rolling Stone. Honestly I can't get the help I need here. The worst thing is the people I would be reaching out to help me have more problems than I do. So I write in my little blank book and hope that tomorrow I don't get torn in half by some grotesque monster robot on crack. Or worse, see you torn into little bits and have to live with that."

"HOW CAN I HELP?" Only Connor's hands moved. His eyes glistened, but his face and the rest of his body didn't budge a muscle.

Bliss met his gaze, her heart crushed under that steady gaze. She could see that they were right. He was causing him distraction right now.
"You have to become the best leader you can be. This is no game. You have enough pressure on you as it is without having to worry about me. I'm fine. Seriously. I'm unbreakable, don't you know?""

She gave the wrecking ball a soccer kick. And the ball crashed through the trees nearby.
"And when we win this war, or whatever politically correct term they want to call this event to sanitize death and destruction? I'll be here waiting. I've survived up to now, and I'm going to keep going."

"I DO NOT UNDERSTAND," Connor signed, his device failing to give the emotional emphasis projected on his face. The monotone device could never capture that look of split pain as Bliss's meaning became crystal clear. He just didn't understand her reasoning. "YOU INTEND TO LEAVE ME WHILE YOU ARE STILL HERE. HOW DOES THAT HELP EITHER OF US?"

She bit back the anger she felt. It wasn't his fault.
"Connor, you're the only reason I get up in the morning. But now that we're in this child soldier militia, and they put the mantle of leadership on your shoulders. I have a responsibility to you and the team. If you have a way of figuring out how I can still be with you and not be a distraction. You let me know."

Child soldier militia? That was a gross mischaracterization. Connor frowned at her, wondering at her malcontent status.

Bliss leaned back against the tree and looked at him.
"It's a new world we're in, baby. Suddenly the world is on the shoulders of kids in middle and high school. If we fail, millions are going to die. No pressure. I won't desert you. If I was going to I would have left already. I got a map all the way to Canada."

"NOTHING HAS CHANGED OUT HERE," Connor stopped signing and waved his hands at the trees around them. "SO PERHAPS THEY HAVE CHANGED IN HERE."

When he tapped his chest, the look in his eyes turned from confusion to abandonment. He blinked away the misty, glistening glaze so that he could see clearly.

"YOU DID NOT NOTICE ME BEFORE YOU RETURNED FROM YOUR STAY AT MUIR ISLAND. THEN YOU RESPONDED TO MY LETTER IN WHAT I THOUGHT WAS ROMANCE LIKE THE OLD STORIES TOLD. NOW YOU AVOID ME. YOU WANT TO PROTECT THIS TEAM BUT YOU THINK WE ARE CHILD SOLDIERS."

His face turned red in anger at such talk as his hands grew animated in their signing. The speech-generating device could barely keep up. "PROFESSOR X IS THE MOST KIND MAN IN THE WORLD. HE WAS THERE FOR ME WHEN NOBODY ELSE WAS. HE PULLED ME OUT OF MY SHELL WHEN EVEN MOIRA THOUGHT I WAS A LOST CAUSE. IF YOU TRULY THINK WE ARE MERELY COUNTERPARTS TO THE BROTHERHOOD AND THAT PROFESSOR X IS USING US AS SOLDIERS IN SOME WAR, THEN I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY AND THERE IS NOTHING MORE I WANT TO HEAR."

Bliss gazed back at Connor with dull pain in her eyes.
"Then I guess we're done here. But I'll say this, even if you don't want to hear it—I want nothing but the best for you. I'll never stop loving you."

"IF THAT WERE TRUE, THEN YOU WOULD NOT HAVE ABANDONED ME. THAT IS WHAT THIS IS. DO NOT CALL IT ANYTHING ELSE." Connor waved both hands in exaggerated motions which were translated to his device as, "GOODBYE AND FAREWELL." With that, he turned away to leave Bliss to her journaling.

"Wait...."
Bliss reached out to touch Connor on the shoulder.
"Wait please."

As Connor turned, her eyes were filled with tears.
"Connor? How can I make this right?"

Connor's tearful eyes met Bliss's long enough for him to give her a shrug. "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS. I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED."

He lifted her hand off his shoulder and placed it at her side, then kissed her forehead before resuming his retreat back to the Mansion.

"I was abused as a child. Things that I don't even want to talk about. Things you can never imagine. I'm all messed up inside, Connor. It makes it hard for me to make connections with people. And keep them. It makes me not normal. I argue with people even though I need them desperately. "

She said it into his back. She wasn't going to hold him back if he didn't want to stay.

"It's all right if you can't deal with that. I know I don't. But unless I do, I'm never going to be right."

"NONE OF THAT IS A PROBLEM," Connor signed in reply. "YOU TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT BEFORE. AT THE LAKE THE NIGHT WE BECAME INTIMATE. AT MOVIE NIGHT. ON OUR FIRST DATE. ON EVERY DATE THEREAFTER. THE PROBLEM IS WHATEVER YOU WILL NOT TELL ME BECAUSE YOU THINK I CANNOT UNDERSTAND. WHEN YOU DECIDE DIFFERENTLY, THEN YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME." He sniffled a little but he didn't stop. "UNTIL THEN I WILL SEE YOU IN THE DANGER ROOM FOR TEAM DRILLS."

Rather than slowly turn, Connor broke into a dead sprint in a desperate beeline for the Mansion before his emotions got the better of him.

Bliss watched Connor flee with all due haste from her presence. She understood his reaction. She didn't want to be in her presence either. She turned away from the sight of Connor retreating to walk deeper into the woods.

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