Lost Love

Posted on Sun Aug 18th, 2024 @ 5:53pm by Kennedy Kelly & Connor Bruin

1,965 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Episode 5: Days of Fortune Past
Location: X-Mansion
Timeline: October 13,1990

Confused. So confused. After everything she had promised, after all the fun times and reassuring cuddles they had shared together, it all amounted to nothing in the end. Connor dashed toward the mansion, each step digging his foot into the ground as he pushed forward with a sprinter’s power.

Why did it hurt so much? Pain was a relative concept. It could be ignored. This pain, however, defied the senses and the reason to govern them. His heartbreak demanded recognition and stole away his focus for anything else. All he could do was run.

Kennedy slowly paced in a large circle in the foyer as she was reading. Being the bookworm that she was, she often lost herself in a story for hours on end. Today was no different, the conflict between brothers in Steinbeck's East of Eden had her enraptured enough to the point that she found a way to stretch her legs while still reading.

At no point did he register Kennedy, neither the sight of her or even whether she had noticed him, until he nearly collided with her. Only a last-second reflex kicked himself into the air, spinning sideways just inches over her head. He failed to recover, instead landing hard onto his back.

The leather bound book was knocked from her hands as Connor avoided collision with her and Kennedy let out a small yelp of surprise.

“Ugh…” he moaned, laying there for a moment while he fought to get his wind back.

“Connor! You scared me… again!” Out of everyone at the mansion he was the one who consistently dropped from ceilings and appeared in unusual places.

As Kennedy’s surprise faded she noticed the look of upset on Connor’s face, it was more than discomfort from his fall. “Hey, are you okay?” She offered him a hand to help him up.

“Nuh…” Connor grunted. He waved away Kennedy’s hand and instead kipped up to his feet from his shoulders. After brushing himself off, he began signing. “I AM SORRY FOR ALMOST KILLING YOU. ARE YOU OKAY?” His question ended with a pregnant pause and wide eyes of concern.

“Oh yeah I’m fine,” Kennedy waved off his concern as she looked around the open foyer and found her book which had been torn in half. “My book on the other hand…” She picked out the two pieces and checked the pages on them. “At least it ripped at a part I’m already past. You just made the book lighter for me to carry, so thank you.”

“DO YOU HAVE AN EIDETIC MEMORY?” Connor asked. “IF NOT THEN YOU MAY STILL NEED THE FIRST HALF FOR FUTURE REFERENCE. MY MEMORY IS NOT FULLY EIDETIC BECAUSE I DO NOT REMEMBER EVERYTHING WITH EXACTITUDE, JUST IN MULTIDIMENSIONAL RELATION TO EVERYTHING ELSE.” He looked at her torn book with sadness. “I SHOULD REPLACE IT FOR YOU.” The flurry of his signing fingers juxtaposed against the sadness in his eyes that threatened to overwhelm him.

“I can remember the story I’ve already read, I think that’s just comprehension.” Kennedy said with a shrug, she didn’t consider her ability to recall plot points in a book to be worthy of any special consideration. “I’m just reading it for fun anyways.”

She looked down at the book as he mentioned replacing it. “It’s the school’s copy, not my own. Plus, there are several copies in the library. I think they had to read it as a class, but my point is, I don’t think it will be particularly missed.”

Kennedy looked up at Connor who still seemed on the verge of tears. “It’s all good, you don’t have to worry and cry, it’s just an old book.”

“OLD THINGS LOSE VALUE,” Connor signed, his eyes distant with thoughts of something else. “FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT. NOVELTY IS FLEETING. NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.” He looked up at Kennedy, his glistening eyes starting to dry out, though somehow it only made his pain shine brighter. “I SEE YOUR POINT.”

“I don’t know if that was my point…” Kennedy watched as his distant gaze was filled with hurt, his comments weren’t related to old books. “Hey, what’s wrong? Do you want to talk about it?”

Although Connor shook his head, he couldn’t help but sign his feelings which his device blurted out with monotone dispassion. “BLISS SAID THAT WE ARE NOT GOOD TOGETHER ANYMORE BECAUSE SHE IS A DISTRACTION. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS SAYING AND I DO NOT BELIEVE SHE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH.”

Tears began streaming down his rosy cheeks but they didn’t stop his hands, so the device kept projecting them without missing a beat.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT MADE HER FEELINGS CHANGE. SHE SAID WE COULD BE TOGETHER FOREVER BUT THINGS CHANGED AFTER THE SAVAGE LAND. WE HAVE NOT SPOKEN SINCE THE HOUSE MEETING AND SHE AVOIDED ME EVEN THEN. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID TO MAKE HER STOP LOVING ME BUT DESPITE WHAT SHE SAYS SHE CANNOT BE IN THE SAME ROOM ANYMORE.”

Finally giving up, Connor covered his hands with his face and cried into them with deep, heaving sobs. His thick shoulders wracked up and down as his cries turned to muffled wails. After a few seconds, he gave in to the grief and sank to his knees right then and there on the mansion’s foyer.

“Oh hey…” Kennedy was a little surprised by the sudden outburst of pain but she soon found her bearings enough to continue. “It will be okay, eventually.”

She knelt down on the hardwood floors next to him. Kennedy wasn’t exactly sure what to do but she eventually decided to place a hand on his broad back in an act of comfort. “I don’t know if you did anything wrong in particular. If it makes you feel any better I’ve noticed a change in Bliss too since the Savage Land. All she does is workout in the woods by herself, something changed for her but she hasn’t really spoken to me about it either…”

Sitting down on her knees next to Connor she attempted to commiserate with him a bit more. “Sometimes people just change, I don’t really know why. I’m sure it’s clear to them but it’s a surprise to all of us. I’ve had friends suddenly hate me for no reason, or relationships just sour overnight. I think it’s just something that happens sometimes, people drift apart. But that doesn’t mean it hurts less. I got dumped when I came here… it really sucked.”

“THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE.” Connor coughed into his hands for a moment before he could continue. “IN THE SAVAGE LAND, BOBBY TURNED INTO AN ICE MONSTER AND SAID THAT BLISS WAS CHEATING ON ME. I IGNORED IT BECAUSE HE WAS ANGRY AND SAYING OTHER MEAN THINGS. YOU ARE HER ROOMMATE. DO YOU THINK THAT IS TRUE?”

“What!?” Kennedy sat down on her backside as Connor expressed his concern. “Gosh no! I mean she talked about you like she was crazy about you. She didn’t sneak out or anything like that. Why would Bobby know that?”

There was a long pause and they both put some pieces together. Bobby had been rather amourous with just about anyone who had shown him a shred of affection. Kennedy included. “Do you think she did something with Bobby?”

Kennedy regretted that question the moment she asked it. Connor was extremely literal with just about everything. “I don’t know if that’s true. It’s just a speculation, Connor! It could be wrong.”

“NO. I DON’T KNOW.” Connor lowered his head and signed again. “PERHAPS. THEY HAVE BEEN FIGHTING A LOT. IF THEY DID BECOME INTIMATE, I DO NOT KNOW WHEN. THEY DID SPEND TIME TOGETHER ON MUIR ISLAND RECOVERING FROM THEIR FUGUE STATES. IT COULD HAVE BEEN THEN OR AT ANY POINT SINCE THEIR RETURN. BOBBY DID GET UP AND RUN TO THE BATHROOM AFTER SHE SAT NEXT TO HIM AT THE ICE CREAM SHOP.”

He looked at Kennedy’s piercing eyes with his sad baby blues. “SHOULD I ASK HER? I DON’T KNOW THE RULES FOR ANY OF THIS.”

“Oh heck! I don’t know!?” Kennedy’s cheeks turned red at the very idea of Connor asking Bliss something like that. “You don’t even know if it’s true, if you ask her it could make things so much worse between the two of you and we still have to live together and go on missions together.” In the course of normal life, Connor would never have to see or talk to Bliss again if he didn’t want to. Even at a regular high school that distance was easy to obtain, but here it was so much more complicated. “Would asking that and knowing change anything? Would it give you peace of mind? Closure? Or would it just deeply offend her?”

“I DON’T KNOW,” Connor admitted. “BLISS OFTEN TALKED ABOUT HIS SEXUAL ORIENTATION WHICH HE DID NOT APPRECIATE. SHE WON’T TALK TO ME. I AM SO CONFUSED.” He swung his head back and forth in despair before signing, “WHAT SHOULD I DO? BLISS TOLD ME HOW TO BE A BOYFRIEND BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM NOW.”

“What were you before you were a boyfriend?” Kennedy asked with a shrug. “Can’t you just go back to that?”

“I DON’T KNOW,” Connor signed. “NOW I KNOW WHAT LOVE IS, I FEEL LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON. IT’S POSSIBLE I MAY HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM NOW.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. Loving people definitely changes you, hopefully for the better.” Kennedy huffed out a sigh before she continued. “Sometimes it hurts and it makes you wish it had never happened, but that feeling goes away in time.”

Connor sniffled as he signed, “I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT IT TO GO AWAY. CHRONIC PAIN MEANS I STILL FEEL SOMETHING. IF IT GOES AWAY, THEN THAT MEANS DEATH. I DO NOT WANT MY HEART TO DIE.”

“I don’t think your heart will die, I just mean you won’t be as sad as you are right now.” Kennedy looked down at her ripped book for a moment. “How does the quote go? It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”

“ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON,” Connor said, signing each letter quickly. “HE LOST HIS FRIEND.”

She offered him a weak but supportive smile, “I’m sorry your heart hurts, Connor, and I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Bliss. Do you want to eat ice cream out of the tub with me and cry while watching Steel Magnolias?”

“YES TO ICE CREAM.” Connor looked very solemn. “BUT WHAT IS A STEEL MAGNOLIA?”

“A movie. A sad movie.” Kennedy said as her smile turned into a grin, “Sometimes watching something sad helps with your own sad feelings. I can’t explain why but it makes you feel better afterwards. There is also a cake shaped like an armadillo in the movie.”

The thought of an armadillo cake broke open Connor's giggle box. He started chuckling but it soon broke into hyena laughing until he couldn't breathe. Even winded, his giggles flared every few seconds.

“O-K,” he said verbally, then he signed, “I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT.”

"Great." Kennedy wasn't sure if her idea of mourning a lost love was the same as Connor's but at least he didn't have to be alone. "Pick out the flavor of ice cream and I'll meet you in the TV room."

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