Meanwhile, in Halifax

Posted on Fri Jan 31st, 2025 @ 7:42pm by Jennifer Bryant

1,027 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Episode 6: X-Fernus Agenda
Location: Bryant Residence
Timeline: December 1st, 1990

Jennifer was still trying to decide if she'd truly come home. The bed she now lay in was the same one she had slept in since she was a little girl. It was to here she had escaped every time she felt frustrated or overwhelmed by the world. She supposed that was what she had done once more. Things had gotten a little scary with the X-Men and she had come home. Idly, she reached down to feel her leg where blades had slashed her flesh. There was a small scar there but, ultimately, it was not serious. Neither was the other on her other leg. Still, she couldn't stop thinking about how easily it might have turned out differently. A few inches another way, it might have hit a vein. He had been trying to kill her or, at least, the consciousness in control of him had been. She didn't know how the others could take these things so casually. She felt selfish for feeling that way. She had seen the grief Hank McCoy had felt on this mission. She knew someone precious had been lost. She knew others had been hurt worse than she had. But none of this made the feeling go away. It just added a layer of shame. Someone had to do this work but she wasn't ready to die for it. She was too young for this. She didn't know how much the others at the Institute had guessed of why she had wanted to go home for the weekend and she certainly didn't know what they were facing in her absence. She didn't know what they would think if they knew why she had gone home. She hadn't talked to anyone about it. A student was allowed to go home for the weekend if her guardians picked her up. Her father had been happy to. At least, he had not made a fuss out of it. She did not know how glad he actually was to see her. She did not know how glad anyone was.

She had called her friends as soon as she'd gotten home. A few of them had been openly hostile to her and made nasty jokes. A few of them had not answered at all. A few had awkwardly tried to say the right things. That had almost been worse in a way. They had wanted to be kind to her but their discomfort showed at every level. She didn't know if they were afraid of her or of what other people might say or just weirded out. Some of them seemed a little too fascinated. Her father had been equally awkward to talk to. So, here she was, in her room, moping like she had when she'd gotten in fights with her best friends as a kid. maybe that had been what happened, from a certain perspective. Outside that door, even in her own house, it wasn't really home anymore. She could never have a home out here among normal people again. At least, that is what she felt in that moment. She didn't think she could go back to the X-Men either. She was scared and she was scared of what the others must be thinking of her and she was scared of how self-indulgent it was to be thinking of those things. Her self-criticism, her self-reflecting, didn't make the problems go away. They just added layer after layer of self-consciousness. This was not a healthy or sustainable way to be but she couldn't shake her self out of it.

She rolled over onto her side and grunted. Maybe she should go downstairs and see what was on tv. Maybe Maniac Mansion was on? Maybe she could actually talk to her father. But she didn't move. That seemed so unappealing and empty. Maybe she should just lie her for awhile. Clear her head. her eyes half-closed. She never really nodded off. She didn't really think more either. She just sort of felt overwhelmed by her anxieties as she sank into the comfortable and familiar sheets. She just let the feelings work through her. Would it eventually pass? She couldn't feel like this forever. She also just didn't know what to do to clear her head.

She had tried not to feel this way. She had played it off all through Thanksgiving. She had met new people. Some of them were even cute boys! She had talked to Angela about cheerleading. But it had always been in the back of her mind. That moment had been absolute terror for her. She could have died. But no one else seemed thrown by it. No one else seemed worried. It was routine to them. She couldn't face that again. She just couldn't! It was too much to expect of a person. She didn't have to, she knew. She could still go to the school and learn about her powers. She didn't have to be on the team . She had asked. It had seemed exciting. But wouldn't she be letting her friends down? She sighed.

She couldn't just lay here either, wallowing in self pity. That was a pretty narcissistic way to spend a weekend. Maybe she should call up sme of her friends. They might have sounded weird at first but she just needed to give it some time. Maybe they would fall into old habits. At least a few of them had made some pretense of wanting to stick with her. A few. A very few. Mostly a girl named Roni who she had sort of taken for granted when she had seemed to have friends galore. That was going to change.

Jennifer reached for her phone and dialed a number. "Hey, Roni, it's me, Jennifer. I'm sorry things are weird this weekend. Any chance you want to grab a pizza or something?"

Roni hesitated. Jennifer felt her heart sink. "Well," Roni said, "I was going out with some friends. But I guess it would be cool if you stopped by."

Jennifer should have just taken that as a no, but she needed some human contact. "Just let me know where and when," she said.

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