Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Posted on Fri Nov 3rd, 2023 @ 8:54am by Charles Xavier & Aurora Summers

1,510 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Episode 3: X-Tra Ecclesiam
Location: Xavier’s Office
Timeline: August 15th, 1990 - Morning

{ON}

Aurora arrived at Xavier’s door bright and early, a night’s disturbed sleep hadn’t helped her decision making any easier. She didn’t bother to knock instead she made a mental call. ~Professor, May I speak with you? ~

~Of course, Aurora~ came the reply. ~Come to my office at your convenience~

Entering the office she offered a brief smile as she walked across to the nearest seat and sat down. “Thank you for seeing me, Professor, I err... I think I need to leave.” She paused. “After what happened with Cerebro, and what I’ve done to Scott...”

At first the Professor didn't respond. He pondered the situation and its details, both what was said and what went unsaid. "Aurora, while I have strict rules surrounding the use of Cerebro, you are hardly the first student who faced an adverse reaction, especially on the first attempt. And you accessed it under the observation of a faculty member, so you didn't technically do anything wrong." He gave her a probing look that was the complete reverse of his forced blindness of Aurora's surface thoughts. "Tell me what you believe you've done to Scott."

Aurora shot Xavier a look as though annoyed he’d read her thoughts, but soon looked away again. “I’ve hurt him, Professor. The first time we met he called me Jean, before realising I wasn’t her. Now he’s heard her voice from my lips, and it’s confused and hurt him!” She paused. “There’s no point in hiding anything. I like Scott, and I hate to see him so upset.”

"Aurora, my dear, the pain you're feeling from Scott predates your arrival here." The Professor's tone softened a bit. "He has been in utter internal agony which he has done his best to hide. What we're looking at right now is a couple of intertwining trauma responses that could form a trauma bond between you two. On the one hand, Scott is suffering from survivor's guilt. His depression, his mercurial behavior in the way his temperament is hot and cold, his isolating himself—they're all textbook symptoms. He blames himself for coming back from that ill-fated mission when no one else did, and it's exacerbated by the fact that none of us can remember what happened for some inexplicable reason. It gives his pain and suffering no outlet, which is a dangerous mix for a natural melancholy personality such as himself."

Pausing for a moment, the Professor went deeper. "As for you, Aurora, your feelings are what is described as transference. Whenever we receive assistance from a person, be it protection or rescue or life-saving treatment, it's only natural to develop romantic feelings toward them. Especially if that person is in a uniform or holds some sort of professional status. Realize that the infatuation from transference may be intense but it's also only temporary. Making long-term or even permanent decisions based off those feelings is not a good idea."

Aurora gave Xavier a curious look. “Scott called it white knight syndrome, so are you saying that my feelings for Scott aren’t real? That what I’m feeling is just gratefulness for saving my life?” She frowned. “How do I know for sure? As for Scott, he needs to move on, to realise that Jean would want him to move on, and not waste his life blaming himself.”

"All feelings are legitimate and need space to be processed," said Professor Xavier carefully. "My advice is for you to be prepared for the likely possibility that they will not feel as intense later on as they do at the moment." He paused to collect himself for what he said next. "Admittedly it's been almost two months since the others went missing, but we did find Bobby in that time. If you were to go missing, we would not be quick to give up on searching for you either. Considering the relationship that Scott had formed with Jean, I wouldn't expect him to give up hope anytime soon. If you truly care for him, then you should recognize that. Sometimes there is no balm for a wound besides the passage of time."

Aurora nodded. “You’re right, I guess I have been acting like a lovestruck teenager!” She smiled a wry smile. “I’ll give Scott some space, I’m happy to be his friend and I wouldn’t want to ruin that friendship.” She paused then gave Xavier a curious look. “Professor, where do we mutants come from? Are we just genetic anomalies, or freaks of nature as some people like to call us? I don’t know anything about my parents so I don’t even know if they were mutants or not.”

~Changing the subject is fine for now, but it is always better to face your feelings than to hide from them~ The Professor's gentle voice echoed inside her mind. Out loud, he replied to her question. "Biologically speaking, there is no difference between a genetic anomaly and a 'freak of nature'... the distinction rests solely in the bias and prejudice of the observer. Evolution does as evolution will, and we are the products. Many humans bear the genetic markers of the X Gene without being mutants themselves. Even if your parents weren't mutants, they obviously carried those markers. It's in this way that all of us, humans and mutants, are more connected than conventional wisdom would seem."

Aurora nodded. “I guess I was just lucky to become a mutant then.” She offered a warm smile. “Until I met you, Scott, and the others I used to hate being a mutant, but you’ve all given me a whole new way of looking at who and what I am. I want to learn to control my abilities properly, instead of being afraid of what happens if I loose control.” She smiled as she held out her hand, with some concentration a small flickering flame appeared. “I never used to be able to do this, I just used to burst into uncontrollable flame!” The flame extinguished as she looked back at Xavier. “As for Scott you’re right, I can’t hide from my feelings, but I also can’t rush headlong into anything either. I have to give it time.”

The sight of the flame gave the Professor pause. It evoked dormant feelings from long ago, like from a dream that was forgotten once awakened. "It's good to see that your training has aided you in controlling all of your abilities and not just the ones we've focused on," he said at length. "And I commend you on your decision regarding Scott. You've only been with us a short time and you're already showing yourself to be a remarkable young lady."

Aurora smiled. “Thank you, Professor, you’ve given me a home here. Everyone here has accepted me for who I am, and I actually feel like this is my home. I would like to learn how to use Cerebro properly, if that’s okay?”

"Your first attempt didn't scare you off?" The Professor was mildly teasing but he was also impressed. "I suppose that could be arranged, though we will begin on a much smaller scale than what happened in Baltimore."

Aurora nodded and smiled. “Agreed, I did go all out trying to prove I could handle it.”

"While your ambition is admirable, your discretion was lacking," the Professor said politely but firmly. "Given time, your proficiency with Cerebro may allow you to split your focus, but the mental stamina to perform even a single task for any extended period is a level that must be reached through practice." His faced turned askance as he gave her a sidelong look. "You must also be prepared for the responsibility of the knowledge you acquire. Cerebro has no filter other than your own mind. Without a strong will to keep you afloat, you would find yourself crushed under an ocean of inner thoughts rather than sailing to your desired destination." Pausing for effect, he added, "Some inner thoughts are quite ghastly."

Aurora nodded. “I’m sorry, Professor, I should have waited for your guidance. I wanted to help with the rescue, but without getting in the way of the team. If someone had to babysit me it’d get them injured, or worse killed!” She sighed then smiled. “I won’t be impatient anymore.”

"Sure you will," the Professor lightly teased, "but I appreciate your efforts to the contrary. Don't judge yourself too harshly. Sometimes impatience is the only form of determination available to us. We just have to move on from it, like shifting gears once we get back up to speed."

Aurora nodded and smiled. “You know me too well already, Professor! Anyway I guess I should go get on with my studies.”

Pausing for a moment, the Professor gave voice to his inner joy. "I'm glad you've decided to remain with us, Aurora."

Aurora paused and nodded offering a warmer smile, “So am I, Professor.”

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