Per Ardua Ad Alta

Posted on Thu Nov 14th, 2024 @ 5:55pm by Kurt Wagner & Kennedy Kelly

5,352 words; about a 27 minute read

Mission: Episode 5: Days of Fortune Past
Location: X-Mansion | Danger Room
Timeline: November 12th, 1990

Kennedy had changed and made her way to the Danger Room and the waiting Kurt. She was once again late for training and with freshly reddened eyes from crying. Kurt noticed that she cried a lot but it was always done in private, like it was some poorly guarded secret that she was sad despite her challenges being so painfully public.

“I’m sorry I’m late again.” Kennedy apologized but her voice sounded hollow and devoid of emotion. “I promise I’m not normally like this, I’m usually punctual if not early to appointments.” She began to stretch and warm up her lithe body as the Danger Room began to change around them, running its program that had been designed for the two of them. The room became a gymnasium for floor exercises and balancing along with a few areas of stairs and high rise plateaus for Kurt’s more daring acts. “I‘ve been practicing on my own since we last worked together, I’m getting better.”

“Zhat is good,” Kurt replied, his voice soft from uncertainty over her current temperament. “Vould you like to talk vhile you prepare? I know somezhingk about unexpected farevells, and…” Was it his place to pry? If he was to be her instructor, then he would need to guarantee her safety. Resolving distractions and helping her focus was part and parcel of that. “... and I see you are upset, Fraulein Kennedy. I vill listen if zhat vould be of any help to you.”

“I…” Kennedy started to speak but stopped and Kurt watched as she pondered what she should and shouldn’t share. In the end he saw her demeanor soften as she dared to share her feelings with him. “I just feel like I’m cursed or something, everyone I love or even care about, they end up leaving or worse…”

Kennedy’s family had disowned her when they learned she was a mutant, then her father was assassinated on live television, her boyfriend had embraced his villainous nature and rejected their life together, and now her friend and roommate had abandoned her for a high calling. Each event was a varying degree of trauma but they all carried the same theme, people left her.

She stopped her stretching and wrapped her arms around herself, finding comfort in the only embrace she could depend on. “Bliss was the first person to befriend me and we leaned on each other. I feel like we were made roommates because neither one of us really wanted to be alone, we both needed someone to route for us. I have to understand and be okay with her making choices for herself… but it still hurts.”

Kurt's glowing yellow eyes glazed over for a moment as the events of Wanda's painful leave-taking flashed before them. It hurt so badly that he had run back to the monastery and shut the world out for years.

“Zhat is a pain I understand,” Kurt said softly, “all too vell. Zhere is so much evil in zhis vorld zhat vhen a bright spot leaves us, it makes everysthingk zhat much darker.”

As he considered the situation, Kurt recalled his own reasons for joining the monastery. “It may help to remember zhat Bliss vas probably not running away from you but rasther to somezhingk else. Zhere is an incomparable peace to be found in places like ze Sisters of Mercy. I can understand ze appeal for someone who is as troubled as Bliss.”

Looking at Kennedy, though, Kurt could not bring himself to rejoice as he had been trained to do when someone entered into service. Not when Kennedy was so distraught. There was greater satisfaction to be found for her in this development. From her point of view, she had lost a friend.

“I am so sorry for your loss, Fraulein Kennedy…” He hesitantly offered his three fingered hand toward hers in timid solidarity.

Kennedy looked down at his open hand and examined it for a long moment before she lowered her hand from its self-embrace. Her hand hovered over his in a moment of hesitation, she wasn’t scared of the odd shape of his hand or the color of his skin but rather of what the gesture meant to her. She was afraid to let another person in because that meant that she was just going to be hurt again and Kennedy wasn’t sure how much more pain she could take.

But Kennedy also didn’t want to be alone, she wanted happiness for herself. So just as she always had, Kennedy found the strength to move forward. Her hand lowered those last few centimeters and she reached to hold his.

“Thank you, Kurt.” She let out a small defeated sigh as those stuffed down feelings rose to the surface. Kennedy tilted her head down and her golden hair became a curtain that obstructed her face. Kurt heard her sniffle from behind her hiding place.

Not knowing what else to say, Kurt just gave her hand an affirming squeeze.

“Why did you join the monastery?” Kennedy finally asked as she lifted her head and tossed her hair behind her shoulder. Her blue eyes were so sad. “You claimed to have loved the circus and you are no shrinking violet. Yet you were ready to live a life of pious servitude, why?”

“Zhat is a good question…” Kurt answered with a wry chuckle. “I grew up at zhat monastery. My Mutter left me visth ze monks who told me she later died. Vhen ze circus came to Vindeldorf, I couldn’t imagine a more exciting place. It traveled near and far, making people so happy. How could I resist? But after Vanda…” Kurt’s grip on Kennedy’s hand turned limp. “I had novhere else to go. Ze circus vould not be ze same visthout her. And if I had stayed, zhen her letters vould not reach me for monsths or even years. At least at ze monastery, she knew vhere she could find me.”

Kurt ran his big toe in little circles on the floor. “Going zhere vas ze safe choice for many reasons. It vas familiar. It gave me purpose when I had none. And ze only hope I had for ze future, vhesther Vanda finding me or becoming a monk myself… I found it zhere.” His eyes narrowed a bit as he recalled a hard time in his life. “I cried myself to sleep so many times. If I had to avaken to each day aimless and visthout a raison d'être, vell, Fraulein Kennedy, I do not know vhere I vould have ended up or vhere I vould be today.”

“She really means a lot to you, doesn’t she?” Kennedy replied as she learned more about Kurt’s past and the moments that changed. His life ended when Wanda left him and he stood still and waited for her all these years. She was no stranger to the Brotherhood and the acts they performed. “When Wanda did bad things with the Brotherhood, did it hurt you?”

“Zhat vasn’t her!” Kurt protested. “Not truly. Vanda vould do anyzhingk for family. Zhat is even vhy she trained as an acrobat. If she didn’t, zhen she and Pietro vould hef been in a vorld of trouble. As it is written, ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ Vhen she said she vas leaving, I vas so delighted! It vas an answer to prayer!” He turned sad again. “Zhat is vhy I haf not stopped searching. God vould not revard her penitent heart visth certain doom. I vill do my part to find her and keep her safe.”

“I guess so…” Kennedy sadly shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t blame other people for Jace’s actions, the temptation provided by the Hellfire Circle seemed to be a means to an end he already desired. Maybe she just never loved him the way Kurt loved Wanda. Those thoughts made her stomach churn because she had regrets over the choices she had made. “It hurts me to see what Jace has become and what he is capable of doing.”

Nodding in agreement as well as understanding, Kurt squeezed her hand again. “I vish I could encourage you and say osthervise, Fraulein Kennedy, but vhat I saw at zhat Hellfire Mansion vas… detestable.” He began to shake his head in disgust. “Nosthingk is too difficult for God, but it would require divine intervention to redeem that young man. His heart is desperately vicked. If love continues in your heart, it… may be zhat God vants you to pray for ze evil man as only a loved one can.” He hung his head. “I confess zhat my own prayers have been remiss visthout mentioning him. I vill do better,” he promised.

“I don’t know if there is still love in my heart…” Kennedy looked out at the equipment that had been fabricated for their training session, it was hard to look at Kurt while she confessed her feelings. “I think I loved the idea of him, I was in love with the idea of being in love. To be special and cherished by someone… I’ve felt really rejected and isolated since coming here and to have someone who was happy to see me, who waited for me and helped, who told me I was beautiful. It all felt… good.”

There was a heaviness in her heart that weighed down her entire body. From the droop of her head and the slouch of her posture, a dark cloud seemed to follow her around. “We were intimate together. I ran off to the city with him and he rented a cheap hotel room in SoHo. I wanted to at that moment but I feel bad about it now.”

Kennedy suddenly felt very stupid and foolish for saying these things. All of it was so inappropriate to share with someone like Kurt. But she had wanted to say it to someone for weeks now, Bliss had been her first choice but her roommate had been so distant and angry as of late that it made it hard to connect with her. So it had remained unsaid and continued to trouble her, only now she felt childish for saying it to Kurt.

Kennedy let go of his hand and stood up, the desire to move and busy herself in an attempt to relieve these uncomfortable feelings became too strong for her to ignore. She made her way over to the balance beam and with one easy, graceful motion she hopped onto it and began to walk its narrow path.

All of that was quite the revelation. Kurt had been stunned into silence the entire time, realizing he was hearing matters of the heart which were perhaps beyond his ability to address from experience. But he had taken Kennedy as a student. Part of that relationship meant building trust. Any doubt or hesitation in high-flying acrobatics could spell death.

“Fraulein Kennedy…” Kurt vanished in a puff of smoke and bamfed right in front of her on the balance beam. “Kennedy,” he repeated, dropping the prefix he had always used up to that point. “I am sorry for your regrets and how you are hurting from zhem. But each day is a chance to do somezhingk new, a fresh start to our lives.” He opened his arms in a discreet offer for a hug. “Before ve practice, ve must lay aside every veight and burden that vould hold us down. Your body cannot be more free zhan your heart and mind. Lay it down so zhat you can fly.”

“That’s so easy for you to say, you’re only here so you can get your fresh start.” Kennedy took one step away from him, her feet easily finding their surefooted place on the high beam. “You’re only here because you want to find Wanda and the moment you do… you’ll leave too.”

There was hurt and fear in her voice because she knew he’d leave just like everyone else in her life, it didn’t matter that she enjoyed his company or was excited to learn these new skills. Kurt was no exception to the rules, especially when all he wanted was to find the woman he loved. And then he saw it in her eyes, Kennedy didn’t trust him. She didn’t trust that Kurt would stay nor did she believe in the freedom he spoke of. The truth of that revelation was silently revealed in the sad and hopeless way that she looked at him.

Kennedy suddenly wanted to run away from him, she wanted to hide and crawl into herself because she was embarrassed by everything she had said to him and shown him. Vulnerable truths scared her because their exposure always ended up hurting her. Blocked from taking a step forward, Kennedy moved using the new skills she had been working on.

She lifted her hands above her head as she bent and arched backwards. In a graceful and skilled motion, Kennedy executed a perfect back handspring on the beam. The acrobatic feat was beautiful to watch but it put more distance between them. She centered herself and without hesitation, learned back to perform a second back handspring. Her form was just as elegant as the first but her foot slipped and she missed the beam and that misstep caused her to fall.

In a flash, Kurt bamfed off the beam and onto the ground where Kennedy fell into his waiting arms.
“I cannot say vhat ze future holds,” Kurt said, looking down into Kennedy’s face, “for it is not for mortal man to know tomorrow. All ve haf is today. Today, Frau… Kennedy… I caught you. And as long as ve can say ‘today,’ I alvays vill.” He grinned a toothy grin. “If you vish to learn of me, zhen I vill teach you, and zhat is a special bond zhat vill never pass away. I pray everyday zhat I vill find Vanda, ja, and if you vill take me as your teacher, zhen I vill pray each day for you as your teacher no matter vhere zhis life takes us.”

“Thank you, Kurt.” Kennedy lingered in his arms and he felt her gratitude not just because he spared her from a nasty fall but because he wanted to help her recover from the series of blows that life had given her. His point was valid, if Kennedy judged every interaction or encounter with people based on if they would or would not hurt her she was going to miss out on a lot of life. Love and friendship came with risk and Kennedy couldn’t want those things for herself and at the some time shut them out for fear of the damage they might cause. She would have to keep trying and she would have to have faith that she too would find her fresh start.

His emphasis on being her teacher suddenly made the prolonged time in his arms feel wildly inappropriate and Kennedy immediately slipped out of his hold on her for fear that she would cross a line and embarrass herself in a whole new way today. Part of her was already mortified and she couldn’t help but mentally cringe over what Kurt must think about her. Kennedy was once so confident and poised, she used to tackle any challenge with a certain degree of surety because she knew what she was capable of. Now, she felt like a far cry from her former self, she was this pitiful, teary eyed girl who made stupid, impulsive decisions that made life so much harder than it needed to be. No wonder Kurt had offered to teach her, she was acting like a child.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to waste your time with all of this… drama.” She wiped away the faint smudges of mascara under her eyes that her tears had created before running her fingers through her long blonde hair. “I want to do this, I want to learn new skills so I’m less of a sitting duck in combat.” Like any performer before the curtain call, Kennedy squared her shoulders and found her center. Kurt had asked her to let go of the weight that dragged her down and as she returned to her position on high beam he saw that desire inside of her return, Kennedy wanted to be free so she could fly.

“Time vell spent is never vasted,” Kurt assured her. “But now let us train. Show me a forvard handspring repeated until you reach ze end of ze beam.”

As Kurt observed her form, he noted tension leaving her body. Committing herself to the action had required her to focus and push through her inner turmoil. It was a much-needed skill that any performer had to acquire before they could achieve any level of success. At the same time, though, he did not want to stifle her either. This was a difficult time in Kennedy’s life, as both Professor Xavier and Kennedy herself had intimated.

“Vunderbar,” Kurt praised. “Now return to starting position visth backward handsprings.” While she had executed one perfectly, doing a series of them required far more balance and control. On top of having done a series of forward ones would also test her endurance as well. Kurt’s yellow eyes watched her attempt with keen interest.

Kennedy nodded her head in agreement but her eyes remained focused on the wall in front of her. She took a single deep breath before she raised her hands and arched back into yet another backward handspring. Her form was perfect and she smoothly transitioned from the first handspring into the second and then the third. Her emotional state had apparently rattled her before because her execution was flawless this time around.

“Ta-da!” Kennedy said with a dazzling smile as she struck a pose at the end of the high beam that was worthy of any big top performance.

“Ja! Das ist gut!” Kurt clapped for her and even gave a happy hop or two. “You truly hef been practicing! Now… perform an aerial roundoff to ze ground.” Normally the technique would be attempted in a trot rather than from a standing position, but the elevated position would compensate somewhat. It would also represent a beginning threshold into high-flying acrobatics. “Do not fear. I beliefe zhat you are ready.”

She playfully bowed in response to his applause before she grew serious over his next suggested move. It had been true, she had been practicing a lot but then again Kennedy was the sort of person who threw herself into most things that caught her interest, she often read books at a ravenous pace. Combined with the fact that she didn’t really have much else to do in her downtime, it made it easy to put her all into her training. Nonetheless, she was nervous over the proposition, it seemed like too much to ask her to try but Kurt had mentioned that she needed to leave her hesitations behind and trust him.

“Okay.” Kennedy finally nodded her head in agreement before she looked skyward and took another deep breath to settle her nerves. She took a few steps back until she reached the middle of the beam where after taking a few trotting steps forward, she performed a cartwheel. The small burst of momentum helped initiate a jump that helped her feet push off the beam. Once airborne, her body rotated in smooth tight circles until she reached the peak height of her jump, then she broke the controlled position to prepare for her landing. Kennedy originally stuck the landing but the leftover momentum unexpectedly threw off her balance. Her feet touched down softly before she stumbled backwards and landed on her backside rather than remaining up right.

“Ow, my tailbone!” She exclaimed through a short trill of laughter as she leaned back on her palms. Kennedy looked over at Kurt with a grin, despite the less than perfect landing she was still fairly proud of herself. “Not bad, right?”
“Nein, not bad,” Kurt agreed with a chuckle. “Allow me.” He offered a helping hand to pull her up to her feet. The smile on his face might have been mildly horrifying for his monstrous appearance but for the kind, rounded shape his glowing yellow eyes took.

“Your form vas elegant and fluid,” Kurt said. “Vhat do you zhink happened at ze end?”

“I was caught off guard by the force of impact, I wasn’t expecting that much momentum as I landed so I didn’t brace myself for it correctly and it threw off my balance.” Kennedy said while taking his offered hand and standing back up. Kurt noticed that there was no hesitation or unease when Kennedy touched him or looked at him, those micro-reactions in people spoke volumes to someone like him. There was a difference between people pretending to be polite and those who were truly comfortable around him. “But I guess life is like that, isn’t it?”

Before he instructed her to do anything else, Kennedy returned to the high beam and made her way back to the same starting location in the center. She did the same as before, the easy cartwheel that smoothly transitioned into the aerial roundoff. This time Kennedy managed to stick her landing and both feet remained firmly planted on the ground but she wobbled a little.

“Better,” she said more to herself than to Kurt before she yet again returned to the high beam.

Kurt watched her practice the move three more times with varying degrees of success but after every attempt Kennedy went back and tried again. With her final attempt, her execution was smooth and effortless, the graceful movements of her body that he had witnessed while she danced carried over to the acrobatics. Calling Kennedy a natural may have been a bit excessive but she definitely picked up on the movements with a degree of ease that Kurt hadn’t experienced before.

Kennedy bowed again for a non-existent crowd as she completed her last roundoff attempt knowing that she nailed the move this time. “It’s getting easier.” She said with a touch of panting from the physical exertion. “The more I try, the easier it gets.”

Kurt’s grin widened as he clapped for her once more, this time a little softer but with clear admiration. “Exactly, meine Freundin! Practice, patience, and learning to let go. I can see it in you, each attempt brings you closer to ze ease you seek. Ze fear is lifting, ja?”

He watched her catch her breath, sensing the newfound confidence growing within her. “As vith anyzhingk vorth doing, progress brings you forvard step by step. Ze path may be steep, but ze summit is vorth it. You’re climbing sviftly, Kennedy.”

Kurt bamfed to the high beam, gesturing to her to follow. “Now, I vant you to try a dismount combined visth a double twist. From zhere, ve vill transition you to higher acrobatics.” His eyes gleamed with encouragement. “Your instincts are strong, so trust zhem, and I vill guide you from here.”

“Higher acrobatics?” Kennedy parroted his words as she looked up at the trapeze equipment that remained tied to the ceiling of the training room. It looked high off the ground from here but surprisingly, she wasn’t scared of the proposition. “If you think I can handle it.”

She climbed up onto the high beam and found her footing. Kennedy examined the beam and mentally pictured the moves she intended to take. With a final deep breath she leaned back and fell into a backflip followed by a back handspring before she jumped off the edge of the beam.

Once she was in the air, Kennedy performed two full twists while simultaneously completing a backward somersault. The move required precise timing while maintaining control of her body for orientation and alignment. Upon landing, her feet remained together and her arms raised to demonstrate the skill that had been needed to execute the move.

“You did it!” Kurt gasped with awe and pride. “Even better zhan ze osther!”

It was amazing what a little confidence and encouragement could do. Her natural then was already plain to Kurt. Even if the particulars of ballet were still beyond Kennedy's grasp at the moment, he had seen enough to know they were still within reach. Honing it through hard work and a keen teacher was already paying off.

“Just how much hef you been practicing independently?” His brow raised curiously with a hint of a smirk on his face. “Your improvement is…uncanny.”

“Oh…umm… I dunno…” Kennedy shrugged her shoulders as she became sheepish from the question. She knew exactly how long she had been practicing every day but the amount felt excessive when she said it out loud. “I try to practice for 3 hours everyday, sometimes 4 when I break it down into a morning and an afternoon session.”

She examined her feet for a moment as she felt her cheeks turning red, her efforts had turned training into a part time job and it made her feel like a loser for having nothing better to do. “I got into some trouble before I came here and then everything with Jace… let’s just say I’ve been trying to keep my head down and my nose clean so I don’t make any more waves. So, I don’t really go into town or leave the campus unless I have to. Outside of school work, I don’t really have anything else to do. Besides, finding something that I can work on and improve upon, it makes me feel like I have a purpose.”

Kurt nodded in understanding. “Ve find purpose vhen ve find a natural gift. Just like your incredible archery, zhis is yet anosther gift zhat you hef been graced visth. Not only vill practice make you better, it vill make you happier.”
In demonstration, Kurt performed multiple backsprings where his incredible flexibility allowed him to bend entirely in half. Powerful legs pushed him head over heels time and again in quick succession. After the first three, he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Appearing in a bamf at her side, Kurt did three more before he disappeared yet again. A puff of smoke put him diagonal from her where he turned into a swift cartwheel in a perpendicular path that ran right in front of her. Just as he entered her peripheral vision, he vanished again.

Smoke appeared above her where Kurt dropped into a free fall. Rather than land, he vanished right before he touched down. He did this time and again, falling in front of her in an ever increasing acceleration until he reached terminal velocity and was but an azure blur between puffs of smoke.

Moving at a nearly lethal speed now, Kurt appeared near the high bar which he grabbed for dear life. He swung around and around in a death grip against the centripetal force. When he let go, he went hurtling through the air toward the trapeze. Both hands reached for the handle, but only one of them took hold. He swung from one arm for a moment before he bamfed back to stand in Kennedy.

“That was fantastic!” Kennedy exclaimed before she offered Kurt the same enthusiastic round of applause that he had given her.

“Vell, it has been a few years,” he said sheepishly through his deep breaths. “But it comes back svift enough, for zhat is ze difference between skill und talent. It is ze second zhat I hef und you as vell.” He shook his head for emphasis. “Never diminish zhat. You can be humble und truthful at ze same time. Do not say you hef nothing better to do. Say you do it because you love it und because you vere made to do it.”

Kennedy bit her lower lip as she nodded her head in agreement with his words. “You’re right.”

She doubted herself a lot as of late, the rejection and loss Kennedy had faced made her question her worth. And while she had found some of that value as an X-Men, it had its limitations. For Kurt to see her effort and acknowledge her talent, it was a different type of recognition that had been sorely missing.

“Thank you, Kurt.” Kennedy bowed her head in gratitude for his kind words. “I do love it. The stuff I’m learning, it pushes me and challenges me. It’s hard to do but it’s also rewarding. I appreciate you taking the time to work with me.”
“Someone took ze chance and taught me years ago,” Kurt said. “You are enough to teach another someday, and I hope you vill.”

Kurt cocked his head. “Ze lessons so far are for entertainment, yet you plan to use zhese skills in a combat environment.” His eyes darted away for a moment before settling back onto Kennedy. “I am hesitant to introduce veapons training until you are fully ready. Do you zhink you are?”

“Yes, I would like to try.” Kennedy looked up at the high beam and started to imagine how she would combine the two disciplines.

“I am a good shot and do better at a distance but I’m no brawler.” Her body was long and lean with a slender build, it was true that even if she could throw a punch it wouldn’t be particularly effective. “If I do end up in a tight spot, having the ability to get away is a better asset for me to have.”

Kennedy hopped back up onto the high beam and performed a forward handspring while going through the mock gesture of drawing her bow and nocking an arrow. When she landed, she took aim at her imaginary target and fired an imaginary shot. The whole routine was smooth and elegant, making it feel more like a performance than training.

“What I could really use is access to high ground and the freedom to change locations quickly. I have a hard time climbing to high points on my own and if I become a target while up there, it’s even harder to leave.” Kennedy spoke about her place on the battlefield like she was a piece on a chessboard, her movements dependable but limited.

“Ah, I do not know much of marksmanship, but I zhink I see your point anyhow.” Kurt scanned the gymnasium with fresh eyes and considered the possibilities. “Ve may need Connor to create a different program for zhat. But ze forms and movements should be simple enough to adapt for our purposes.”

After plotting a course of action, Kurt said, “Come, Kennedy. First I vill put you atop the high bar. Simulate firing on a target, zhen leap. I vill bring you up to ze trapeze vhere you vill simulate again, ze first time upright and zhen ze second time upside down from your knees. Sving high and leap again, and I vill take you back to ze low bar for dismounting.” He extended his hand toward hers. “Vhen you are ready.”

Kennedy examined the course as Kurt explained his plan. She had never expected to combine high flying acrobatics with archery but the two techniques seemed to lend themselves to one another. Kurt could move her across the board in ways that were impossible on her own, add in the ability to make their own higher ground for an attack of opportunity and the whole game could change.

But the acts were an exercise of a different type that Kennedy had felt herself struggling with as of late. “And if I mess up and fall, you’ll catch me, right?”

“Ja, of course.” Kurt chuckled at the question. Was there any doubt?

RSS Feed