Bliss Is Gone

Posted on Thu Nov 14th, 2024 @ 5:24pm by Connor Bruin & Kurt Wagner & Jean Grey & Kennedy Kelly
Edited on on Thu Nov 14th, 2024 @ 5:56pm

4,685 words; about a 23 minute read

Mission: Episode 5: Days of Fortune Past
Location: X-Mansion
Timeline: November 12, 1990

Jean stepped through the grand front doors of the X-Mansion. The familiar weight of its history settled over her as she walked inside. Inside the air was heavy with the scent of polished wood and the faintest hint of flowers cut from the garden before they died carried in on a late-autumn breeze. The warmth of the mansion felt like home, but today, it offered little comfort. On Professor Xavier’s invitation, Jean had come to deliver news of a sensitive nature to Connor and Kennedy that would be best served with her delicate touch. Everyone had hoped that Bliss would come back, healed and ready to start anew. But life doesn’t always turn out the way one hopes.

Making her way down the hall, Jean took a moment to collect herself before entering the parlor where they all were.
The room was cozy, warmed by a low fire in the hearth. Connor, Kennedy, and Kurt sat around a large wooden table, sunlight streaming in through the windows. The sound of their voices filled the room. The trio were engaged in a game of Scrabble and it appeared to be Connor’s turn.

“Aha-ha!” Connor grunted with a smirk before he dropped his remaining titles across the board.

C-A-Z-I-Q-U-E-S

“Ja, I cannot best you, mein freund!” Kurt said with a strained groan as Connor ended the game.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself Kurt, English isn’t even your first language.” Kennedy said before she counted up their final scores. “Connor has a score of 583, I have a score of 338, and Kurt has a score of 300.”

“I think Hank is the only person who can give Connor a run for his money when it comes to a game of Scrabble,” Jean said as she neared the table. “But a valiant effort nonetheless.”

“Hi, Miss Grey.” Kennedy greeted the redhead before looking over at the grandfather clock in the back corner and made note of the time. “Say, it’s almost time for Kurt and mine’s Danger Room session. I guess we better clean up and go.”

“Actually I need to talk to both of you.” Jean interrupted before the clicking sound of cleaned up Scrabble tiles filled the room. “Connor and Kennedy, I have some news about Bliss.”

Connor froze in mid-motion as though frozen in place. While he had known about the volunteer service Bliss was performing in Manhattan, he also knew that Bliss hadn’t returned the previous day. The Professor had not been forthcoming, only promising an explanation as soon as it was available. Now, it seemed, was the time.

~I can already see that it is bad news, Jean~ The look Connor gave her barely scratched the surface of the turmoil he felt inside. He already had her attention, so he thought straight at her, knowing she would hear him. ~Is she alive?~

~* ‘She’s well’ *~ Jean attempted to snuff out his worst fears.

“Should I be excused?” Kurt asked with a respectful hand over his chest.

“No, Kurt, you can stay. Ultimately it affects the whole team but I wanted to tell Connor and Kennedy first because of their personal connections to Bliss.” Jean’s voice was soft and gentle but she still portrayed a pillar of strength to them.

“Oh, sure, Miss Grey.” Kennedy merely folded her hands into her lap as she stared down at her feet. That perpetual feeling of dread and loss filled her mind once more and she braced herself for yet another blow.

Jean inhaled deeply as the sad and hurt filled emotion flooded the room. Bad news was always hard to deliver. “Bliss has decided to stay at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. She has found a higher calling at the church and with their organization. Currently she is in the first stages of her discernment and if things continue as expected she’ll become a nun in the next two to three years.”

Jean paused for a moment and let her initial comments soak in before she continued. “Because of the women’s shelter connected to the church they are willing to work out a deal for her to work and live there until she’s ready to file her formal application. Bliss will not be coming back to Xavier’s nor will she be an X-Man any longer. Consider her retired from the team.”

“A noble calling,” Kurt offered in his eternal optimism. “A hard life, ja, but no less revarding for it.”

“SHE DRESSED AS A VAMPIRE NUN FOR HALLOWEEN,” Connor signed. “NOW SHE BECAME ONE.” His brow furrowed as he processed the information and everything that it entailed. No more Bliss. That meant no more late night movies, no more games with the junior students, no more random snacks that she would bring him, not even any more of those bizarre exchanges in the woods that they’d been having of late. Connor made no attempt to hide his displeasure. “SHE WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO SERVE THERE IN ORDER TO LEARN WHAT PROFESSOR X WANTED HER TO LEARN. WHAT MADE HER ABANDON THE X-MEN?”

Inside his mind, Connor could not hold back his real question. ~What about me is so repulsive that she cannot abide my presence any longer? She speaks from both sides of her mouth in rampant contradictions that render me confused and unable to determine her true perspective and values. What does she get from the nunnery that she could not find in this educational sanctuary specifically tailored to troubled young mutants?~

~* ‘Oh Connor, I wish it was that simple to understand and justify a person’s choices. Her departure was not about you but about herself.’ *~ Jean attempted to telepathically console Connor while maintaining their verbal conversation.

“Redemption,” Kurt suggested. “Ve all carry evils, vhesther evils ve inflicted or vere inflicted upon us. I did know Bliss for long but even zhese eyes could see she carried terrible burdens. Zhis vould not be ze first time a lost soul found ze answers zhey sought zhrough ze doors of ze church.”

Connor slowly turned his head and stared at Kurt. What he described did not sound like Bliss at all. “YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING,” Connor signed. “YOU DID NOT KNOW BLISS.”

Kennedy remained silent after the news was delivered, merely staring down at her shoes as her world continued to grow dimmer and dimmer. Everyone left. That was the new constant in her life that tried to beat her down from the inside out.

“Thank you, Miss Grey.” Kennedy managed to croak the words rather than sob them. “Can I go, please?”

Jean’s pretty features curved downward into a frown as she looked at Kennedy. The senator’s daughter had been through so much in such a short amount of time that it was a wonder she remained standing. “Of course, Kennedy, but if you do want to talk, Professor Xavier or myself are always available.”

Kennedy nodded her head in acknowledgment of the offer as she stood in an almost robotic fashion. “Thank you...” After tucking in her chair she hugged herself tightly, the squeeze of her own arms remained the only source of comfort available to.

“I have Danger Room training in half an hour, I should get ready.” Like a ghost Kennedy drifted out of the room towards the lower levels of the mansion.

“I vill go look after her,” Kurt said before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

“Thank you, Kurt.” Jean nodded her head in gratitude, the German appeared to be fitting in well enough with the mansion’s consultations and tribulations.

~Would you be so kind as to bring me to the convent so that I can say goodbye?~ Connor’s face was somewhere between a frown and a pout. ~There are so many things which went unsaid between us. If she can't explain the demise of our intimacy, then the least she could do is explain this sudden turn of events~

~* ‘I don’t know if it’s allowed. The first stage in the process of becoming a nun is to disconnect from their current life while receiving a religious education. It’s a test to see if they can find happiness in their new routine without being distracted or tempted by their previous life. Her life as a nun will be very different, she will be devoted to a different cause.’ *~ Jean turned her attention towards poor Connor and his heartache. He cared immensely for Bliss and had even called her his morning star at one point in time. ~* ‘Nor do I know if it’s appropriate. Her state of mind and her attitude regarding the school and all of us, it was fairly negative as of late. It was a knee jerk reaction to suddenly stay at The Sisters of Quiet Mercy but it has eased an enormous amount of anxiety and frustration in her. It always amazes me when Xavier provides people with the direction they need. I think he knew when he set up her volunteer work there that it would be what she unknowingly wanted for herself.’ *~

Jean sighed softly as she considered what options were available to Connor. While Bliss had leapt forward into a new life that closed this chapter of her life, that ending had not been provided for him. ~* ‘I could take you into the Astral Plane and we could see her. You wouldn’t be able to speak to her, nor would she know you were there but it would be a way to see her one more time and have that goodbye you’re looking for.’ *~

Connor considered everything Jean said simultaneously, all three points side by side. He didn't know much about the ins and outs of religious forms, so he would have to defer to Jean for now. On the matter of Bliss's attitude for the school, Connor couldn't deny that either; her cold distance from him and her slander for the institution he loved so much were the main reasons for their breakup. And the matter of Professor X anticipating Bliss might never return sounded right on point to him; the Professor had coaxed him to come to the X-Mansion in a manner that did not violate his free will but leveraged his own processes with such finesse that it had nearly the same level of influence as telepathic persuasion.

~I am loath to concede that you are correct, Jean~ The look on Connor's face suggested he might cry. ~Please take me to Bliss on the Astral Plane. There is no other positive course of action~

~* ‘Very well.’ *~ Jean moved towards the more comfortable seating in the parlor and directed Connor to take a seat in one of the overstuffed chairs by the fireplace. ~* ‘The lowest level of the Astral Plane is a level non-telepaths can ascend to, think of it almost like a lucid dream in a plane of both existence and thought. It is fairly benign in nature but you need to stay with me because I am your telepathic escort. I will use the Astral Plane and the collective thoughts and perceptions of the people at the shelter to provide you with a glimpse into Bliss’ new life. It will be like a personal movie based in reality.’ *~

Jean settled into the chair next to Connor and reached out to hold his hand. The contact made it easier for Jean to guide him and show him things in the Astral Plane. Closing her eyes and taking a deep, measured breath Jean focused on their projection.

It felt like a dream at first, as Connor felt the irresistible need to close his eyes and drift off into an unconscious state, but that complete loss of time and thought never occurred. Instead a weightless ease overcame him and when he finally opened his eyes again he found himself in a place filled with nothing and everything.

“Take a minute to center yourself and adjust to the Astral Plane,” Jean said by his side, when he looked at her she was still the redheaded woman he once knew but she was also so much more.

There was a radiant glow about Jean and she overflowed with a lush and vibrant sort of energy that felt refreshing and alive. Connor had never experienced Jean’s psychic presence before. Much like Xavier, he only felt their generic telepathic touch which was more like a formal handshake rather than a hug. But in this place her true mental presence was divulged to him. Jean felt like springtime standing next to him, she was hope and joy, rebirth and creation, she was that beautiful feeling of sunshine after the gloomy cold.

“Oh goodness, Connor!” Jean said with a smirk and faint laugh. “Your psyche is unbridled here… you have always sounded like an orchestra to me, you're like nothing I’ve seen before.”

As Connor acclimated to the environment, his astral form held a kind of ultra-dimensional quality to it. Where Jean moved more or less as she did in her body, Connor seemed not to move but rather duplicated himself in an endless paper doll chain of himself. Each position he was in became frozen in time as he assumed a new one.

“What do you mean?” It was a simple question expressed through Connor's mouth which was not inhibited by a deficient speech center in this place. When he spoke, though, it was with a dozen voices from each subsequent instance of himself which was added to the ever growing chain. The reverberation echoed with the resonant harmony of a sole mind's singular purpose. “I confess that I do feel more unconstrained than I recall ever feeling.”

Jean winced a little at the echoing sounds of Connor, the reverberating voices that seemed to fill the Astral Plane until it was noisy like the city. “There are so many of you, limitless and simultaneous. You’re free to expand and consider everything all at once outside of the limitations of your mind.” She considered for a moment on how to make things bearable. “Do me a favor Connor and try to focus on a more singular thought process. Don’t consider everything all at once but take the time to go one by one.”

“I will try…” said the multitude of voices. Connor cocked his head from one side to the other, with each gesture creating yet another instantiation. “It is just so freeing…” The magnified volume was nearly deafening. Taking a deep breath, the present Connor closed his eyes and focused on synchronizing with Jean’s overwhelming psychic presence. She was a solid anchor which made it easier.

After a moment, every duplicate instance of Connor merged together back into the present one. Once combined, though, they were greater than the sum of their parts. Connor glowed with a crimson aura that stood out most strongly in his eyes—rather, where his eyes should be instead of the turgid red cinders that eked wisps of pure energy. If Jean looked closely, she would see the kind eyes behind the aura, but it would be like staring at an eclipse. “Is that better?” he asked, his timbre so rich and deep it nearly sounded inhuman. He was many and yet he was one.

“Yes.” Jean could at least focus on him without the overwhelming sound of so many concurrent thoughts. Connor’s appearance was strange but the concepts and ideas expressed in the Astral Plane were infinite and personal so she didn’t balk or freight over it. “Thank you.”

Out of habit, Jean stared off into the distance as if they needed to travel to their destination. “Are you ready? Is there anything in particular you want me to show you?”

“Show me Bliss.” Rather than look around, Connor closed his eyes and searched within. “Please.”

The formless void of the Astral Plane began to shift around them, responding to Connor’s focused intent, powered by Jean’s strength of will. The landscape stretched, like ink blending into water, morphing from its abstract, shapeless existence into something more grounded. Slowly, a profoundly vivid scene materialized.

There was Bliss, seated on the floor of a women’s shelter, dressed in the modest novitiate’s attire of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. She was surrounded by small children, their tiny hands clutching crayons as they colored together on large sheets of paper. The simple, pure joy of the moment radiated through the space. Bliss laughed softly, her once-cynical smile transformed into something genuinely blissful. It wasn’t the guarded, defiant Bliss that Connor had known. This Bliss looked at peace, her face softened by the kind of happiness one only finds in unexpected places—a serenity that no X-Men mission had ever given her.

"She seems… so free," Connor whispered, his voice now soft and human, tinged with awe. His red-glowing eyes, barely hidden beneath the cinder-like energy, scanned the scene as if he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. The crimson aura that flickered around him dimmed away as his emotions settled into something quieter, more contemplative. His now regular, cobalt blue eyes teared up at the sight. “She really is not coming back, is she?”

“No, Connor, I don’t think so.” Jean admitted to him as they watched the scene play out before them. “But you can see it in her eyes, can’t you? That distress and anger are both gone. I think the pressure of being an X-Man was too much for her, it was breaking her.”

Bliss began to show the girl next to her how to trace her hand in order to make a drawing of a turkey from it. Connor saw Bliss smile at the girl in a way he had never seen before.

“She’s helping people here, Connor,” Jean said with a wistful smile. “Bliss was outraged by the legal system that raised her and she wanted to help save people from similar fates. This may not be a uniform and a war room but it’s a way to directly impact and improve the lives of vulnerable people. She’s still a hero, just in a different way.”

Slowly, surely, Connor walked toward the cluster of children, close enough to reach out and touch Bliss. Dropping to his knees, he did just that. But his hand passed through her cheek like a hologram, her virtual form stretching and distorting until his hand moved from it. “I will never forget you, Bliss.”

Once he spoke those words, a fire ignited inside him. His head threw back in a raucous shout. As his voice carried, it generated fiery embers that fluttered through the air. The aura was back, this time bleeding away Connor’s fleshly appearance until he looked little more than an orange and yellow infrared silhouette. In response to his outcry, the environment began to wobble and shake like a glass mirror under stress.

Jean hesitated for a moment as she watched the fabric of the Astral Plane distort in response to Connor’s outburst of emotion. That change was like nothing she had seen before and she made a mental note to mention it to Xavier. But then her empathy and compassion took over and she felt Connor’s sorrow and heartbreak.

“I’m so sorry, Connor.” Jean reached out to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Her effervescent presence had a grounding effect on him, she was like an oak tree with deep roots and strong branches. “Love is a risk but is always a risk worth taking.”

Connor shook his head, rejecting Jean’s comfort and the stability it offered. The pangs of his broken heart would not be denied, not when they demanded release, to be manifested and birthed into being within this place.

In response, everything shimmered like a living canvas, a place of dreams and nightmares woven together. The subtle glow of the low level of the Astral Plane pulsed with an unearthly light, almost too gentle to notice, until Connor’s presence began to dominate, causing the air to shiver. Jean stood next to him, sensing a shift she had never felt before. It was as if the space around them, which typically echoed with gentle currents of thoughts and memories, now rippled with the force of Connor’s immense grief—a grief he could not contain.

Connor’s eyes, or what passed for them in the Astral Plane, shone again, now with a deep, unsettling crimson, with wisps of pure energy radiating outward like the filaments of a red sun. The color deepened, intensifying until the entire plane around them began to vibrate, and the ground beneath their feet distorted as if bending to his will. The surreal surface started to fracture, the cracks glowing red and spreading out in jagged patterns. It was as if his emotions were too heavy for this lowest level to support.

“Bliss!” The name echoed in a dozen different frequencies from his layered, ethereal voice. The tone was mournful, a hollow bell that seemed to reverberate through the very fabric of the Astral Plane. His grief, his love, his guilt—they were forces in this place, each one capable of altering its essence. The space around him started to fragment like shattered glass, exposing a depth beneath where raw emotions held sway over reason.

Jean watched, her eyes widening, as patches of the plane began to take on the crimson shade of Connor’s aura, spreading outward like oil on water, shaped by Connor’s unique mind—by his impossible, four-dimensional understanding of reality. Images flashed in the red miasma, hints of things beyond time and space. There were fleeting scenes of unknown beings, their energy forms twisted and darkened until forced into corporeal existence, a hint of what they had left behind. There were glimpses of ancient, shattered ruins—echoes of a city that seemed impossibly familiar, like a forgotten memory that couldn’t quite be grasped.

Jean knew the feeling of this place, she had dared to touch it only in the midst of combat and strife but the similarities were still tangible. She muttered the name of the man who wielded that power. “Cain…”

Then came the weight—a pressure that pushed outward, bowing the air and gravity as Connor’s grief turned the plane heavy with sorrow. The swirling, expanding energy felt like a tidal wave building strength. The Astral Plane itself seemed to bend, curving like the contours of a hypercube, folding space and time inward. The air crackled, charged with Connor’s sorrow, and the crimson light deepened, creating shadows that pulsed with a rhythmic, sorrowful beat—the very heartbeat of his despair.

“Goodbye, Bliss…” It was a whisper in the eye of a hurricane, but once it was uttered, the angry red fractures of the plane began to retract back into Connor’s softening aura. The vibrations calmed and the distortions dissipated. Connor’s shoulders went from wracking sobs to soft trembling as he collected himself.

“Connor, this place… it is dangerous and so far from home.” A golden unbreakable tether spilled from Jean’s chest and she plucked at it like the heartstring that it was. In another plane of existence Scott felt a pang inside of him as Jean reached out across their bond and found the directions home.

“We should go, this isn’t safe.” Jean reached out for Connor’s hand and with a tug and blurring sensation they were back at Xavier’s. Taking a moment to collect her, Jean’s attention snapped back towards Connor. “Are you alright?”

For a moment, Connor winced and grabbed at his head, nearly stumbling around as he fought for equilibrium now that they were back in their bodies. His thoughts were disorganized and unclear.

~Linear! Sequential! Stereometry! Non-Euclidian!~ He bared his teeth in a grimace as his mind fought to reorient inside his brain. ~I can't see! Why can't I see?~

Although his hands waved about to steady himself, at least his vestibular proprioception had returned. It took a moment for his motor skills to assert themselves.

~Jean! Where are you?~

~* ‘I’m right here.’ *~ Jean reached out to touch his hand as her telepathic presence did the same. Connor’s mind felt like broken china, the pieces were large enough that they were easily put back together but the action still required some finesse. ~* ‘Your vision and your brain are two parts of the same machine, I think you’ll be able to see again once everything is put back into place. Focus your thoughts and reorganize your mind. Return to the present and steady yourself.’ *~ She attempted to guide him back into a singular and limited sense of reality, back to the confines of his mind. ~* ‘Stabilize yourself.’ *~

~I do not think that I was meant to do that~ As Connor blinked, the world came back into focus. Blurry, wobbly, and washed out like water colors, but it was there again. ~What happened? I remember seeing Bliss, saying goodbye, and then… darkness. Cold, blind darkness~

~* ‘Honestly I’m not entirely sure what happened. But that world in red, it wasn’t the Astral Plane. It was someplace else…’ *~ Jean paused for a moment and decided if she wanted to share more, she didn’t want to alarm Connor but ultimately she knew that honesty was always best. ~* ‘I can’t be certain but that place felt familiar to me, I have gleaned similar feelings when touching Cain Marko’s mind. But I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, we should definitely talk to the Professor and Hank about it. Are you feeling better?’ *~

Connor cracked his neck from one side to the other, pushing out the tension that had accumulated there. ~I feel like I have more questions than answers, but that is quite normal~ Looking at Jean from his peripheral view, Connor bit his lip. ~I hate that Bliss is gone. I would prefer she had stayed here where we could repair our bond. But I understand now that she did not reject the X-Men… or me. She is repairing the bond she lost with herself, which is perhaps the most important one of all~

For once, perhaps the first time ever, Connor did not think at all. His thoughts stopped there and allowed him to ruminate on the fact that he was not thinking. Was this what acceptance felt like? On second review, it felt a bit like hunger. ~Can we get a snack before we tell the Professor? You know how prone he is to speeches~

~* ‘Sure, Connor, I’ll make you a sandwich.’ *~ Jean said with a chuckle as she stood and smooth out the wrinkles from her navy dress. ~* ‘I’m glad you’ve reached some level of understanding and acceptance as far as Bliss is concerned, it will take some time to stop hurting but in the end I think you’ll both be better people for the choices you’ve made.’ *~

Connor just nodded. It had been far more of a journey than he had expected, one which he did not fully remember. The Astral Plane seemed awful. Jean and Professor X could keep it. At least he had said some sort of goodbye to Bliss.

With a wave of her hand Jean telekinetically tidied up the remainder of the Scrabble game, tucking the box back into the cabinet it came from. While Connor’s attention was on Bliss and her departure her own thoughts lingered on the world of red that he had managed to bring them to and had it not been for her bond with Scott she might not have been able to bring them back as quickly as she had. That thought troubled her but she didn’t let Connor know how grave the situation had been. ~* ‘Hopefully there are some cookies left, I usually place them on the highest shelf but you never know with this bunch. Let’s go.’ *~

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